All God's Children
by Scription Addict
Summary: Boyd/Grace and OC - Grace forms a bond with a young woman involved in the case they're working on. Will be pre season 4, but does not relate to any episodes so no spoilers. Now Completed
1. Opening Scene

**All Gods Children – A Waking The Dead FanFiction**

Rating - M will contain scenes of a sexual nature

Summary - Boyd/Grace and OC - Grace forms a bond with a young woman involved in the case they're working on. Will be pre season 4, but does not relate to any episodes so no spoilers

Disclaimer - I do not own any rights to waking the dead or it's characters.

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><p>Chapter One - Facts from the past<p>

**Pre scene**

It was 2am, the young residents of Leighton Hall were in bed, but nearly all lay awake, listening to the cries and screams that filled the corridors and hallways of their home, cries and screams that could be heard all over the house, some of the youngsters hiding their heads beneath the covers trying to block out the blood curdling sounds, they all knew who it was that screamed for help from the depths of the house, but they were all too afraid to venture out of their bedrooms, too afraid that the next scream could be theirs, so they ignored them, no one knew what time the screaming stopped, only that eventually it did, and somewhere in a darkened room within the house, one of their number sat on a stone cold floor, the smell of blood in the air, the only noise now was that of a shovel digging in the grounds, no one dared to look out of a window, no one dared to open their eyes, most were simply frozen with fear, just like every other night.

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><p><strong>Present Day<strong>

Dr Grace Foley stepped out of her car, the cold winters air hitting her as she did so, it was a dreary and dark October day, the derelict building in front of her had been vandalised several times over, but through the layers of spray paint you could see the grey stone building that once was Leighton Hall children's home. The home had been closed down around ten years ago and since that time the building had not been used. A voice suddenly brought grace to her senses

"Morning Grace, nice weekend?" It was Frankie, who as always was the first on the scene, she was suited and booted in her forensic overalls and gloves, face mask round her neck so it could be pulled up at any moment, depending on what they were to find in the gardens of Leighton Hall.

"Yeah not bad thanks, same old routine, what about yours"

"Oh you know me Grace, work, work and more work, I got this called in on Saturday morning"

"Really, what is it exactly"

"Remains of two babies, well two at the moment, it might be more yet, they're still searching"

"Babies? Any idea how long they've been there?"

"I'd say at least ten years, but nothing positive yet"

"What about the age, or cause of death"

"Again, nothing definite yet, but they look new born, as for cause of death, nothing obvious, I'll know more when I can get them back to the lab"

"Who found them"

"The Police, they have been investigating this place for a while, they had a tip off that something or someone was buried in the garden, they weren't expecting this though"

"I take it it's a child abuse investigation"

"Yeah, but I don't know who made the allegation, or who's been accused"

"It would never surprise me of this place"

"You know of it then"

"Yeah, it was known as a dumping ground" Just as Grace was about to elaborate her mobile started to ring, she looked at the display, "it's Boyd" she said before answering, the call was short and sweet, "He wants me to meet him back at the office"

"Well I may as well come with you, I'm done here, until they get the remains back to the lab, well unless they find more"

"Did you not bring your car"

"No Boyd brought me over from the the Lab, he was here first thing"

#####

Back in the office a short time later, the team congregate around the table to discuss the case

"Okay, Frankie, tell us what we've got" Boyd spoke first

"Okay, well all I can say at the moment, is that we have the remains of two babies, discovered in the garden of 16 Leighton Hill, they look to have been there longer than ten years, but that's just an estimate, there are no obvious signs of cause of death, so we won't know more until after the PM, I would estimate age to be new born, but again"

"We will know more after the PM" Boyd finished her sentence for her, and Frankie nodded her head and smiled as his hands animated what he was saying. "Okay, Mel, what can you tell us about no 16 Leighton Hill" He sipped from his coffee as he finished speaking

"Well, it's a large Victorian detached property, up until ten years ago, it was known as Leighton Hall, and was used by social services as a children's home, it housed around 14 children at anyone time, the house had been converted into mostly bedrooms" Mel pasted inside and out diagrams of Leighton Hall, on the glass screens.

"Well you lot have been busy this weekend" Grace commented as Mel finished speaking

"Ah but we saved the best for you Grace, what can you tell us about Leighton Hall" Boyd knew Grace had experience of social services, having worked as a psychologist within the service for a short space of time

"Well, it wasn't a nice place, it was known as a dumping ground for kids that had no chance of being fostered or adopted"

"What sort of kids fitted that criteria"

"Older kids, around 15 or 16 years old, kids with behavioural problems, kids with health problems, those from ethnic minority's, the list goes on really, too many troubled youngsters and no where near enough foster parents, Leighton was more known for housing older kids"

"Okay, Spence has a list of the last residents to be at the home before it was closed down, I was hoping you could get the files from social services, whilst he works on tracking down where they are now."

"Okay" Grace took the list from Spence, and headed to her office

Spence also pasted the list onto the screens, for all to see

** Jessica Rudman - 13**

** Samantha Holland - 16**

** Clarinda Leachman - 15**

** Paula Jones - 16**

** Sandra Green – 15**

** Lisa Carp – 16**

** Joanne Taylor – 15**

** Philip Connelly – 15**

** Daniel Adams – 16**

** Miles Griffiths – 15**

** Marshall Griffiths – 15**

** Keith Johnson – 16**

** Joseph Patterson – 15**

** Ryan Knox - 16**

After all had been given relevant tasks, the team dispersed, Boyd headed to Grace's office, "You okay" he asked as he sat on the chair on the opposite side of her desk

"Yeah I'm fine thanks, why?"

"It's Monday morning Grace, I'm just catching up, no ulterior motive"

"That'll be a first then"

"You're so bloody cynical"

"That's because I've worked with you for too long"

"Too long eh?"

"You know what I mean, Boyd. Did you actually want anything"

"Well now that you mention it, did you know any of the social workers at Leighton Hall"

"No, I never actually worked at the Hall, I did 2 months of cover working for the team that covered that area, child psychology isn't my speciality as you know, but I wasn't working at the time, the opportunity came up and I needed a job, I never really got involved with any major cases."

"So you don't have any contacts that you could call on for some insider information"

"No, sorry to disappoint you"

"Don't be sorry Grace, you disappoint me so well" he smiled as he walked out of her office

Spencer walked into Grace's office a while later "This has just arrived for you, it was sent by courier" He placed a large package on her desk and then turned and left

"Thanks Spence that's the files from social services I've been waiting for" Grace said as he left the office

Grace opened the package and took out the large selection of files, she sorted them into male and female files, and then started to go through them, writing a brief outline of each resident as she did so, just the basics, Name, age, reason for being in care and a brief background, the next time she looked at the clock it was 4.30pm, she gathered her papers and files together, and put them in her bag, grabbing her coat she headed out of her office, poking her head around Boyd's office door on her way

"I'm gonna finish this off at home, call me if you need anything" she closed the door before he had a chance to question her about her reason's for leaving the office early, it was totally out of character for her, and she half expected him to follow her out of the door, but he didn't, perhaps he realised what the date was, perhaps he remembered.

Boyd listened to Grace's words, she'd closed the door before he'd had a chance to say anything, he knew full well what today's date was, and why she was leaving early, he didn't know whether to mention it to her or not, in the end she left before he had time to respond.

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><p>Okay, this is my new fiction, hope you like it, I'm on a bit of a writing frenzy at the moment, so I won't neglect any of my other works, as always your reviews are greatly received and appreciated, this will be quite a long fic I am already up to chapter 17 pre-written. Thanks for taking the time to read<p> 


	2. Anniversaries

**Thanks for the reviews, hope you like this chapter**

**Chapter 2 – Anniversaries**

Grace stopped her car and turned the engine off, this place was always so quiet she thought to herself, she watched as the autumn wind raised the fallen leaves from the ground and blew them around in the air, she stepped out of the car and tightened her coat around her, taking a bunch of flowers from the back seat of the car before locking it, and walking along a small pathway to a row of headstones, she stopped at the fourth one along, no need to read the inscription to make sure it was the right one, she'd been visiting this place long enough that she could find it blindfolded, she stooped down and removed some leaves that were obscuring the headstone, "Hello my darling" she said her words spoken softly, not meant for anyone else to hear, she began to arrange the flowers in the vase, drifting off into a little world of her own as she did so, to a world long since forgotten by anyone else, she never heard the other car pull up next to hers, or the car door open and shut, even the footsteps didn't bring her out of her daydream

"Penny for them" the voice behind said, causing her to jump slightly

"Boyd, what are you doing here?"

"Did you think I'd forget Grace"

"I didn't think this was your kind of thing, thought you preferred to remember people how they were, not bring flowers to a marble slab with a name engraved on it" her words were words that he had once used, during one of the many arguments they'd had after she died, neither of them able to cope with the grief.

Peter closed his eyes for a moment, her words all to familiar to him, words he had used so long ago, "It was a long time ago Grace"

"25 Years to be exact Peter"

"I know, 25 years today" he stooped down and used his hand to clean the words written on the white marble headstone, before reading them, it had seemed an eternity since he'd visited this place

Emma Jayne Boyd

01/10/1986 – 01/12/1986

Our Little Angel who fell asleep aged 2 months

Grace had chosen the words, after they'd lost her, Peter took solace in whiskey, unable to cope, unable to think for one minute that his lover and the mother of that beautiful little angel, the woman who spent 18 hours in a very difficult labour might need his support.

"It still feels like yesterday, the pain dulls, but it never disappears"

"I'm sorry Grace"

"What?" she looked at him stunned

"I said I'm sorry"

"for what?"

"I couldn't handle it, it was easier to get drunk and forget than to stay sober and remember, I blamed myself, thought I'd done something wrong when I put her down that night"

"I know and in the process you destroyed our relationship, I needed you, I wanted us to get through it together, to deal with it, talk about it and cry together, not sweep it under the carpet"

"But I couldn't do that"

"No it was far to easy to bury yourself in work and whiskey"

Peter took a deep breath, every word Grace said was true "Forgive me Grace, I never meant to hurt you" he stood up so he was facing her

"There was never anything to forgive, you didn't kill her, it was a cot death"

"I mean for the way I treated you, the way I behaved after the funeral, never being there for you, never able to come here, I don't think I ever comforted you"

"Like you said, it was a long time ago, we've both moved on" Grace again quoted his words

"Come and have a drink with me, raise a glass on our daughters 25th birthday"

"No Peter, I think too much water, or should that be too much whiskey has passed under the bridge for that"

"Please Grace, please"

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><p>Hope you're still liking this one, next chapter will explore Grace and Boyd's relationship 25 years ago, will post it soon, please leave a review for this one, I never know of people like it if no one reviews.<p> 


	3. Then

**Chapter 3 – Then**

**26 Years ago**

Grace Foley packed her files away into her tatty old briefcase, the case was solved and it was time for her to pack up her things, she had been brought in to help solve a grizzly murder, and had been working alongside the rather loud DS Peter Boyd, he wasn't leading the investigation into this crime, he was only a DS, but his job was to work with Grace, get her anything she needed, drive her where she needed to be etc., she'd grown rather fond of him during the last two months, and she had a feeling that he may feel the same, the team were having celebratory drinks in the local pub, when she declined he had taken her to one side and asked her to have a meal with him instead, he'd said he wasn't bothered about the team piss up, said he'd been to several and they were nothing special.

**5 Hours Later**

Grace and Peter had enjoyed a meal together and he had insisted on walking her home, once outside her flat Grace turned to him, "Would you like to come in, I have another bottle of wine in the fridge, nothing special, but it's cold and wet"

"Yeah great"

Grace walked to the fridge, Peter followed her as she looked for the wine he slid his arms around her waist, she turned around and came face to face with him, she raised her arms up and slid them around his neck, he moved forward and kissed her, within minutes they were all over each other, by the time they reached the bedroom they were both only partially clothed, as he pushed her back on the bed he paused momentarily, slightly above her admiring her beautiful shapely body, within minutes he was making love to her, her groans of pleasure driving him crazy, he thought if he didn't climax soon he'd explode, her nails digging into his back, pulling him harder into her

"Oh god Peter" she moaned into him, he could feel her breathing quicken and her back arching off the bed, her heels digging into the bed, her inner muscles staring to tighten around him, she threw her head back.

"Oh Fuck Grace, I'm gonna cum" he thrust hard into her as she called out his name. Breathlessly he looked down at her, "You okay" he rolled over and pulled her tightly into his arms

**6 Months Later**

Grace sat alone in her bathroom, a small white stick in her hand, waiting to see which colour it turned, nervous as hell, she was unmarried, in a relatively new relationship, lived in a tiny flat and had only occasional work, she should have got her period 3 weeks ago, she kept hoping it would happen, but it didn't, now she'd started experiencing early morning nausea, her breasts were tender, that combined with the fact that her and Peter were at it like rabbits and not always careful, it didn't look good.

She closed the bathroom door behind her, and made her way to the kitchen, switching the kettle on she reached a mug down and shoved a tea bag into it, she heard the front door close and footsteps coming up the stairs, she dreaded this, she hadn't told Peter of her suspicions.

"Grace?" he called up the stairs

"I'm in the kitchen" she called back

"Hello" he said as he walked in, instantly devouring her mouth was his own. "You okay" he felt her slight resistance

"Um, well It depends what you mean by okay"

"What's up"

Grace took a deep breath before speaking, "I'm pregnant"

"Whoa, what" Peter sat on a chair, "You're serious right, this isn't a joke"

"No, I'm serious"

"But I thought we were careful"

"We're careful until we run out of condom's and you come home in the middle of the night feeling horny" Peter smiled knowing full well the occasion she was talking about, "Yeah and that was just that time, who knows how many other times there have been"

Peter stood up walked over to Grace and took her in his arms, "how far gone are you?"

"A couple of months I think, I was three weeks late, so I took a test today, it was positive, the Dr will be more accurate"

"How do you feel about it"

"I don't know, I'm not getting any younger though, maybe it's a good time"

"What you want to have it?"

"Don't you?"

"I dunno Grace, you've knocked me for six to be honest" Grace pulled out of his embrace, "Hey I didn't mean I didn't, I just, its come a bit out of the blue, I'm in bloody shock"

"So am I"

"You've had three weeks of wondering, time to think about it, you never told me a bloody thing"

"Because it might have been nothing, look Peter I'm not holding you to anything okay, if you want to walk away then you walk away, and I'll take care of me and the baby"

"That's not fair, I never said I was gonna walk away, I'm just a bit stunned, look come here" he pulled Grace back into his arms, "I have no intention of walking away from you or the baby, I'm just not good with surprises"

**7 Months Later**

A speeding car pulled into the maternity unit car park and screeched to a halt, Boyd jumped out and ran into the entrance, "Hi my partner Grace Foley has been brought in, she's in labour" "Obviously" he added afterwards realising it was highly unlikely she'd have been brought to a maternity unit for any other reason than being in labour

"Ah, Mr Boyd, she's been asking for you"

He was shown into the delivery room, where Grace had been prepared for labour, and was now laying on a bed

She looked so relieved to see him, fearful he wouldn't make it in time to see the birth of their first born child, "God it's good to see you, I thought you weren't going to make it"

He took Grace's hand and leant forward and kissed her, "I told you I wouldn't miss this for the world, and I meant it"

Grace spent eighteen hours in a very difficult labour, before one final push brought their tiny baby into the world, the midwife looked up to them, "you have a beautiful little girl" Grace was exhausted, but still managed to smile when they put the baby in her arms, Peter kissed the baby's head and then kissed Grace, "You did it Grace" he said with a beaming smile

"I think you played a part"

"Yeah but you did the hard part, I love you" he kissed Grace again

"I love you too"

**5 Hours Later**

Peter had left the hospital after spending a few hours with Grace and their new baby, who they'd named Emma Jayne, he was now in the pub with the boys, he had a cigar and a whiskey in his hand, "I'd just like to raise a toast, to my daughter, Emma Jayne Boyd" his colleagues all raised glasses and cheered

**2 Days Later**

Peter carried the baby through the hospital corridors with Grace being pushed in a wheelchair by a porter, when they got to the car Grace made herself comfortable in the passenger seat whilst Peter strapped the baby seat in the back.

Back at home the first night left them both nervous wrecks, jumping every time she made a slight sound, it took Peter ages to be able to pick her up without Grace handing her to him, but they soon settled in to things, Grace was in her element, she loved motherhood and it suited her to a T. She sat in bed at 3am breast feeding baby Emma, Peter laying by her side watching her, playing with Emma's feet, "This is amazing" he said

**2 Months Later**

Peter woke to the feel of Grace pulling herself out of his embrace at 2am, as he regained his senses he realised Emma was crying, Grace was exhausted, she'd not long put the baby down, she'd been fed, winded, changed, but now was crying again, "Hey you stay, I'll go" he told her rubbing his eyes as he got up, the baby's crib was still in their room, so he picked her up gently and placed her against his chest, talking to her as he did so, "Hey hey, what's all this about eh, you want a cuddle from Daddy, you a Daddy's girl" he walked her up and down the landing of there home, until eventually she dropped off to sleep, he put her back in the crib gently so as not to disturb her, lightly touching her cheek as he did so, "night night angel"

He smiled to himself, still not used to being someone's Dad. He got back into bed next to Grace, slipping his arms around her.

"Thank you" she said snuggling up next to him

"You are very welcome" he replied kissing her goodnight

**6 Hours Later**

Grace woke up still in Peters arms, he was still fast asleep, she looked at the clock, it was 8am, Emma had slept through since Peter had put her down at around 2am, she pulled away from Peter and walked over to the crib, she put the back of her finger next to Emma's face, but she felt cold.

"Emma" she called her, not sure how she was expecting a two month old baby to respond "Emma" she touched her face again, and called her name louder, waking Peter up in the process

"Grace what's wrong" he called from the bed

"She's cold, she won't wake up" Peter jumped out of bed and rushed to her side, he picked Emma up, but she was cold and floppy

"Grace call 999" Grace stood routed to the spot, "CALL 999" he shouted at her, he put Emma on their bed, unwrapped her blankets from around her, and tried to feel for a pulse, the paramedics seemed to take a life time to arrive, when they did Grace was still standing watching on as Peter tried in vain to give the baby CPR, the paramedics took over, but were quickly able to confirm that Emma had died. Out of panic Peter pushed them away from his daughter and picked her up, "Come on Emma wake up, wake up now, please wake up now" he paced up and down with her frantically, he turned to Grace, "Grace what are we gonna do"

**2 Months Later**

Grace Foley packed the last of her things into her suitcase, and zipped it up, a friend with a van had helped her carry her things from the home she'd shared with Peter, the baby's things had been boxed up and put into the loft, Peter had remained drunk since the day she died, he never cried, he never held Grace, he never even helped her choose a headstone for their daughter's grave, content to drink himself into a stupor instead, he'd even been suspended from work until he could sober up, they were understanding at first, gave him time off, as much as he needed, but he refused it, when his drinking at work made him a liability they had no choice but to to suspend him on full pay, allowing him three months to straighten up his act. But Grace could take no more, he was too drunk to even notice she was leaving him, she was moving away from the area, somewhere he wouldn't be able to find her. She walked over to where he lay unconscious on the sofa, a whiskey bottle tucked in his jacket pocket, she bent down and kissed him gently, "Take care Peter, I'll always love you"

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><p>I've now finished writing this one, so I'll post chapters every couple of days, hope you're enjoying it, as always your reviews are greatfully received, and reciprocated when possible.<p> 


	4. Now

**Chapter 4 – Now**

Peter turned the key in his front door and pushed it open, picking the post up from the door mat as he walked in, he held the door open for Grace, before taking her coat and hanging it up, "Go on through, I'll get us a drink, red or white?"

"Red, thank you" she replied, still not sure that this wasn't a big mistake, she sat on the sofa and Peter joined her bringing them a bottle of red wine and two glasses, he poured the wine and handed her a glass, then he gently clinked his glass to hers

"To Emma" he said

"To Emma" she said quietly, "Why are you doing this"

"Doing what?"

"Talking about her, you never talk about her, she's in the past, you live for today not yesterday"

He took a large sip of his wine before speaking, "I never speak about her because she's too precious, her memories are too precious, you never speak of her either"

"No not to you, I visit her grave when I can, and I look at her pictures, I wonder what she would look like, who she would have taken after, would she have been a psychologist like me or a police officer like you, or would she have done something completely different, would she have had children"

"Do you think I don't wonder about those things"

"Do you"

"Yes I do, I also wonder whether we'd have stayed together if she hadn't..." he sipped from his glass of wine rather than finish his sentence

"The word is died Peter, she died, 25 years and you still can't say that she died"

"She died, there does it make you any happier to hear me say it"

Grace put her glass on the floor, "I should go, this wasn't a good idea"

"No Grace, please don't go, it's been 25 years and we've never spoken about it"

"No Peter you haven't spoken about it, I dealt with my grief 25 years ago, I don't need to rake it up again"

"Why did you agree to join the cold case team, to work with me again?"

"Because I thought we could be professional, and because I liked the idea of what the job was, I didn't come back because of you Peter, I came back despite you, it was the job I wanted not you, I stopped wanting you a long time ago"

"I never stopped wanting you"

"Goodnight Peter" Grace walked into the hallway

"Stay Grace, please stay, I need you"

"A long time ago I needed you, but your needs were greater than mine, you sunk yourself into a bottle of whiskey, and by the time you came up for air I was gone, I walked away from you then, and I'm going to walk away from you now"

"The difference is I'm not drunk now, and I'm asking you to stay" he put his hand over hers as she reached up for her coat and as she turned towards him he stepped forward and pressed his lips to hers, she instantly pulled away, slapping him hard across the face.

Undeterred he moved forward and did it again, she again pulled away and raised her hand to slap him, this time he caught her hand, and pushed her back against the wall of his hallway, his other hand rested on her waist, he kissed her harder, more passionately, she struggled for the first couple of seconds before leaning into him and kissing him back, as he loosened the grip on her hand she placed it against the back of his head, her fingers running through his hair, his lips moved to her neck, gently sucking and biting her skin, she'd forgotten how good it felt when he kissed her, when he touched her, god she wanted more, her mouth moved to his ear, "Make love to me" she whispered the words to him.

He led her to his bedroom, and she sat on the edge of his bed, he knelt in front of her, his arms sliding along her legs and resting on her arse, he continued to kiss her, gently undressing her, and kissing each newly exposed area of skin as he went, once they were both undressed they moved into the bed, he made love to her slowly, passionately, savouring every moment, every time she called out his name it felt like electricity coursing though his veins, and every time his teeth grazed a new area of her skin she dug her heels into the bed, gripping the sheets with her hands, it had been 26 years since they had made love, but it felt as good this time as it did the last time, better in fact, he'd learnt a few new tricks in that time, as his body raced towards it's peak he threaded his fingers through hers and held her hands above her head, his lips pressed hard against hers, as he moaned into her mouth, he could feel her muscles tighten as she too climaxed, thoughts of how much he'd missed her running through his mind, they had always enjoyed a fantastic sex life, and this time was no different.

As they relaxed he looked in her eyes, "You okay" she nodded her head, and he pulled her against him, holding her in his arms, her head resting on his chest, once his breathing had returned to normal he started to speak to her, "A teacher" he said out of the blue

"What?"she asked without a clue what he was talking about

"That's what I always imagine she would have been, a teacher in a primary school"

"Why?"

"I don't know, it's just what's in my mind, do you know what my happiest memory is?" she shook her head, "That first night, when we brought her home, we were in bed and I was watching you feed her, I sat playing with her feet, she had such tiny little toes" Grace could feel his body start to shake, as he began to sob, it was the first time she had ever known him to cry, she held him in her arms as he cried, eventually they fell asleep, and when he woke at 4am, the bed next to him was empty.

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><p>Hope you're still enjoying this, as always your reviews are always gratefully received.<p> 


	5. Back To The Case

Here is the next chapter, hope people are still enjoying this, thanks for the reviews, if you're enjoying it please let me know by hitting the review button again. Thanks Sarah

**Chapter 5 – Back to the case**

Boyd locked his car and walked into the office, he could hear Frankie in the lab, and Spence was sat at his PC busying himself, Mel was at the coffee machine, he walked past Grace's office where she sat working at her desk, she looked up as he walked past, a nervous look on her face, she quickly looked away again, concentrating on the files in front of her, he decided to leave her to it, and went into his own office.

o0o

"Grace, Grace" she heard him calling her from the bullpen a short time later, they were having a case review, as per normal in the mornings

"All right I'm here" she said as she made her way out

"Okay, updates, Frankie?"

"Okay, the babies were almost certainly newborn, they were born alive, but we are unable to give a cause of death, there was no skeletal trauma, so it could have been natural, or suffocation, something along those lines, there was one male and one female, and DNA shows that they were twins, obviously not identical" she said the last bit with a smile, stating the obvious

"So we could be looking at just failure to report a death, not infanticide"

"Could be"

"But if that is the case then why not report the death, why was there not a Dr on hand, were they premature, can you tell that?"

"The remains are fully formed indicating that they were full term not premature"

"So Grace what sort of person gives birth and buries the babies in the garden?"

"A frightened one, I would hazard a guess at a young girl who maybe hasn't told anyone she's pregnant, she gives birth alone, and when the babies die, she doesn't know what to do, she's grief stricken but at the same time it's a way out of the problem, because no one need ever know, so she buries them, probably with the help of the father, or another person, a confidante"

"Why with the help of someone else?"

"Because she's young, perhaps as young as 12 or 13, she's just been through a horrendous ordeal, she would be physically and mentally traumatised, possibly bleeding, she wouldn't be capable of digging a grave, not physically or mentally"

"So she may have been quite young, and it may have been just a teenage pregnancy?"

"Possibly, possibly not"

"Why possibly not?"

"These kids are in care, typically they have little or no respect for authority, teenage pregnancy's in care were very common, if it was as simple as that, I can't see a reason that she would be afraid of an adult finding out"

"So what are our other possibility's?"

"The home is being investigated for allegations of child abuse, I think we need to start tracking down the last known residents, get a picture of what life was like on the inside"

"Okay, so Spence how we doing with locating the list?"

"It's tricky, I've tracked down two of the boys so far, Miles and Marshall Griffiths were twins, they joined the army when they were 16, Miles is currently serving in Afghanistan, Marshall was killed by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan last year, I have an email address for Miles, but that's currently the only way of contacting him"

"Send him an email, just say we're investigating the home, and ask him to contact us when he can, Grace what can you tell us about the residents from the files"

"Well all pretty basic really, the twins that Spence mentioned were of mixed race, that would have been the reason they would have been hard to foster out, that and the fact that they didn't want to be separated, they were placed in care aged 13 when the mother went into prison for killing the father, who was an abusive alcoholic.

Clarinda Leachman was west indian, her mother died of cancer when she was 15 and there was no father on the scene, that's why she was in care.

Samantha Holland was an abuse case, physical abuse, the mother was schizophrenic, Samantha went into care when she was 12.

Paula Jones was the daughter of a prostitute, she was taken into care aged 15 for her own protection

Sandra Green was a being sexually abused by her father, she was taken into care aged 14

Lisa Carp was a runaway, they never got to the bottom of why she continually ran away, but they took her into care aged 14 because they feared she was being abused

Joanne Taylor, was taken into care because her parents couldn't control her when she was 15.

Philip Connelly, Daniel Adams, Keith Johnson were also all taken into care due to behaviour problems, all were aged 14 at the time

Joseph Patterson was a sexual abuse victim, being abused by his father and taken into care when he was 12.

Ryan Knox was being physically abused by his mother and taken into care when he was 13.

The only one who stands out from the rest is Jessica Rudman, she was abandoned at birth, she was discovered in a rubbish bin, along with her twin brother James, they were both born addicted to heroin and alcohol, James died aged 5 days, but Jessica survived against the odds, she was left with epilepsy, and they were unable to foster her out due to the health problems she had, unlike the others who went into care in their teens, she spent her entire life in care, and was placed in Leighton Hall as a lost caused when she was just 6 years old, her mother was never traced."

"It really does make you wonder why people bother to have kids doesn't it, Spence can you put Jessica Rudman at the top of your list please, Mel can you work with Spence on tracking these kids down ASAP, keep me updated, we also need a list of staff that worked at Leighton Hall"

The team dispersed, and it wasn't long before Boyd was knocking on Grace's door

"Come in"

"You busy" he asked closing the door behind him

"Yep, why do you need me for something"

He sat on her couch, "why did you leave?"

"I don't think we should discuss this in work"

"So when?"

"I don't know"

"Tonight?"

"No Boyd, I need to think about things"

"What's to think about for gods sake" he stood up and leant on her desk so he could lower his voice, "Last night was incredible, I don't want it to be the last time"

"So call me in another 25 years Boyd"

"What the fuck is wrong with you, you wanted this, you asked me to make love to you"

"Yes I did, because I've never stopped loving you, but yesterday was a mistake, a bloody big mistake"

Just then Spencer knocked at the door, "I have an update on Samantha Holland, she died of a heroin overdose 3 years ago, and Jessica Rudman, has spent her time between prison and a psychiatric hospital, she was last released 6 months ago, she served 3 years for GBH, she made 3 suicide attempts during the last 4 months of her time, and spent the last 3 months in Marston Psychiatric hospital under a Dr Jonathan Vine"

"I know him, I'll make a call see what I can find out" Grace said

"Any idea where she is now?"

"No, still working on that"

"Okay thanks" Spencer shut the office door when he left and Boyd was about to speak

"I meant it Boyd, not in here, I need time to get my head straight"

He threw his hands in the air, "Fine" he slammed the door to her office as he left


	6. Interviews

The next chapter, hope you enjoy. Thankyou for reviewing the previous chapter.

**Chapter 6 – Interviews**

Spence and Mel had tracked down the some of the names on the list, and had managed to bring in two of them, Lisa Carp and Joseph Patterson were waiting in separate interview rooms for Boyd and Grace to interview them.

**Lisa Carp Interview -**

Lisa Carp was an attractive woman, long auburn hair tied in to a pony tail, well dressed, slim figure, around 5'8 tall, she was now 26 years old.

"Hi Miss Carp thank you for coming in to speak to us, I'm detective superintendent Boyd and this is my colleague Dr Foley, is it Okay if we call you Lisa?"

"Yes that's fine, I'm not sure what all this is about?"

"We would like to talk to you about the time you spent at Leighton Hall children's home"

"Really, I wasn't there for long"

"Records say you were there from aged fourteen to sixteen, is that correct?"

"Kind of, I was what was known as a runner, I ran away about six times during that two years, and I was away for anything up to two months"

"You must have had the chance to find out what kind of place it was"

"It was a children's home, they were all pretty horrible"

"In what way?"

"You could only understand that if you've lived in one, they're devoid of emotion, you may as well have been in the army, people were treated like animals, we were unwanted, neglected, or damaged goods, and because of that no one gave a damn"

"Can I ask you why you ran away from home, you're parents home?" Grace now asked the question

"I didn't get along with my step dad, he was a bullying control freak who used to knock my Mum about, I hated seeing what he did to her"

"Do you remember any of the other residents of Leighton Hall?"

"Yeah one or two, Dan Adams was my boyfriend for a while, we went out for a couple of years"

"Are you still in touch with him now?"

"Only through a medium"

Boyd shook his head in confusion, "I'm sorry"

"Dan was killed in a car accident, he used to steal cars, one night him and Ryan Knox took a porche and lost control of it at high speed, they both died"

"Is there anyone else that you're still in touch with?"

"No, look I've turned my life around since that place, I've got a good job and I'm getting married"

"Do you remember any of the girls being pregnant during your time there?"

"No"

"Okay, well thanks for your time, we'll be in touch if we need any other information" Boyd got Mel to show her out

Once she'd left the room Boyd looked to Grace, "She seems very level headed"

"She looked a little uncomfortable when we mentioned a pregnancy"

"Yeah I noticed that too, lets see what Joseph Patterson has to say"

o0o

**Joseph Patterson Interview**

"Hi Mr Patterson I am Detective Superintendent Boyd and this is my Colleague Dr Foley"

Joseph Patterson looked older than his twenty five years, he had close cropped hair, and quite a few tattoos, he had the complexion and skin colour of a heavy drinker.

"What's this all about?"

"We'd like to talk to you about the time you spent at Leighton Hall children's home"

Patterson immediately stood up, "I ain't got nothing to say about that place"

Grace stepped in, "Joseph, is it okay if I call you Joseph, you're not in any kind of trouble, we'd just like to talk to you about the children's home you lived in"

"It's Joe, and I know I ain't in any trouble, I just don't wanna talk about that hell hole"

"We need to know what happened Joe, we think some bad things may have happened in there, but if people don't speak up, then we can't punish the people responsible"

"Punishing them won't make things any better, it will just rake it all up again, it's in the past, why can't you just leave it there"

"Because the truth needs to be told, and people need to be held accountable"

"Look I'm sorry, but I don't have anything to say"

"Are you still in touch with any of the other residents, or do you know of their whereabouts?"

"Jo Taylor and Sandra Green both work the streets on Milford Road, Philip Connelly is doing life for murder in Pentonville"

"One last question, do you remember any of the girls being pregnant whilst you were there?"

"No one springs to mind"

"Okay, thanks for your time"

Boyd again got Mel to show Patterson out whilst he and Grace sat talking in the interview room, "What do you think Grace"

"I think something really horrible happened in that place, and we need to get to the bottom of it"

"So why don't they want to talk about it, if it's so bad why don't they want to see people punished"

"Because it depends on what's happened, if it's sexual abuse, it's hard for a boy to admit that, it's not easy for anyone, but for boys, to admit to being sexually abused"

"So we should concentrate on the girls"

"No, we should pursue all of them, but it maybe easier to get the girls to open up, then maybe once we get them talking, maybe the boys will talk too"

Boyd shuffled the files together, and they made there way out of the interview room back to their offices. It wasn't long before Spencer walked into Boyd's office with more good news, "Jessica Rudman is living in a hostel on Talbot Lane, it's for people who have recently left mental health services, kind of a half way house"

"Brilliant Spence, Grace and I will pay a visit"

"Boyd waited for Grace to finish on the phone before taking the news into her office, Spence has tracked down Jessica Rudman to a hostel run by the CMHT, it's a half way house for people who have recently left mental health services"

"Boyd sit down, I've just spoken to Dr Vine, he was her psychiatrist whilst she was at the hospital"

"What did he say?"

"He said she's very unpredictable and unstable, she has a history of severe self harm, and has made numerous suicide attempts"

"So why did they let her out?"

"Because they had no reason to detain her any further, he said she's terrified of being alone, and has a phobia of the dark, prison officers used to find her curled up in the corner of her cell in the mornings always with her back against the wall, on her last stint in prison she formed a close friendship with another inmate, the guards let them share a cell and it kept her on the straight and narrow for a while, but when her cell mate was released she made 3 separate suicide attempts, it was then that she was transferred to the psychiatric hospital"

"So how do we handle her?"

"Very carefully, she shows all the signs of childhood trauma, severe childhood trauma, but she never opens up, refuses to mention the past at all, the only person she has ever shown any emotion towards is her cell mate in prison"

"Do we have a name for the cell mate?"

"Yep, Lisa Hallam, she was serving 12 months for assault, she was older than Jessica, about 20 years older, no one understood the friendship, they just went along with it because it calmed Jessica down"

"Was it just a friendship, or were they lovers?"

"Again, no one was sure, I think if they were lovers they turned a blind eye because she could calm her down"

"Okay, I'll get Spence to find us an address and we'll visit them both"

* * *

><p>Next update coming soon.<p> 


	7. Secrets

**Hi all thanks for reading, hope your still enjoying it, as always comments and reviews are greatly received, next chapter up in a few days.  
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**Chapter 7 – Secrets**

Just as Boyd and Grace were about to leave they had a phone call from Frankie asking them to meet her at Leighton Hall, she had uncovered something she wanted them to see.

They walked in through the main front door as it was already open "Frankie" Boyd shouted, "We okay to come in"

Suddenly Frankie appeared from a door under the stairs, "Yeah, come through, we were going through the rooms for any signs of blood or trauma, the cupboard under the stairs has a second door at the end of it, it leads to another room"

"Lead on"

Frankie led them under the stairs to a concealed door at the other end of the cupboard, as the door opened it led into another room, a small room, with stone walls and floors, no windows, "There's no lights, but we've rigged one up" it was a cold room, in the corner was a single mattress, "Under UV lights the floor shows signs of blood, a lot of blood, it's been scrubbed but it still shows up, and over here, Spence could you kill that light" as the room fell into darkness Frankie shone the UV light on the wall, a bloodied hand print could be clearly seen, "It's a full hand print, as if someone was putting a lot of pressure against it, maybe for support if they were in pain? Thanks Spence" The lights were turned back on, "Over here there's some graffiti scratched into the wall"

Grace stooped down and read the graffiti, "Wednesday's Child"

"What does that mean Grace"

"It's a children's rhyme" Grace thought for a minute trying to remember the words to the rhyme, "Um, Monday's child is fair of face, Tuesday's Child is full of grace, Wednesday's Child is full of woe"

"And over here it just says Rudi died here"

"Rudi, who the hell is Rudi? Maybe we need to look further back than 10 years ago"

"Over here is a cross, and someone has started to scratch the lords prayer, either they forgot the rest of the words or just stopped, I'm gonna take the mattress back to the lab and carry out some tests on it, god knows what I'll find"

"Thanks Frankie" Boyd's mind was wondering trying to think of his next move, "Spence, Mel can you head to Pentonville nick and interview Philip Connelly, carefully though, don't mention the remains at this stage, just question him about life here, and find out if he knew of any of the girls being pregnant, also ask him if he remembers a Rudi?"

"No problem, we'll catch up with you later"

o0o

Boyd and Grace continued on there original journey to see Lisa Hallam, they knocked on the front door of the flat, it was opened by a young boy, possibly 12 years old, he took one look at them and called over his shoulder, "Mum, Police are here" Out of a room behind him stepped a blond woman, artificially blonde, she was mid forties at a guess, dressed smartly. "Can I help you" she said, with a slight southern Irish accent

Boyd introduced himself and Grace, "We were hoping to talk with Lisa Hallam"

"I'm Lisa Hallam, and whatever it was it wasn't me"

"It's nothing like that, we'd like to talk to you about Jessica Rudman"

"Is Jess Ok"

"As far as I'm aware Jess is fine"

"Well you'd better come in, can I get you a cup of tea"

"No we're fine, thank you" Boyd replied

"Prison reports suggest that you and Jessica became close friends during your time in prison, and that you had a calming effect on her, we're just trying to build up a picture of her" Grace asked

"Am I aloud to ask what for?"

Boyd replied "We're investigating the children's home were she lived as a teenager and we need to speak to her"

"Jess is a good kid, well I know she's not a kid, but when you meet her you'll understand why I call her a kid, she's not retarded or anything, but she has the ways of a child, all the prison officers saw was an angry woman who used to cut herself to ribbons and sleep on the floor, she was too difficult for them to handle, half of them were afraid of her"

"What did you see?"

"Someone who'd never been shown any affection, who'd never been loved, people run away from her because of the epilepsy, it took me a couple of months to get her to trust me, but when she did she followed me everywhere"

"Did she ever talk about her childhood?"

"No, not at all, she just said she had no parents or family"

"Do you still see her now?"

"No, I tried to visit her in the hospital, but she wouldn't see me, I think when I was released she thought I'd abandoned her, she hasn't wanted to see me since"

"Is there anything else you can tell us?"

"Not really as I say she never spoke about herself or her past, I think she's been to hell and back though"

"Why does she sleep on the floor?"

"She would never say, she slept in my bed with me whilst we shared a cell, but I think afterwards she just went back on the floor"

"Were you lovers?"

"No, we came close once, but she couldn't"

"She couldn't?"

"She found it really difficult to be intimate, I wasn't pushing her into anything, it was more her than me, I think she felt that it was what I wanted, but I just wanted to take care of her. On one occasion things got a bit, well you know, between us, but she ended up in tears, she just cried whenever I touched her intimately, in the end I thought of her more like a daughter"

"Okay, well thank you for your time" Boyd signalled to Grace that they had all they needed

"Will you tell her she's welcome here, please, any time, this is my number"

"I will" Grace replied smiling at the kindness of the woman

o0o

Back in the car Boyd drove them towards the hostel, "Any thoughts Grace?"

"I think it was the first time in her life anyone's ever shown her any compassion, she grew attached and then when Lisa was released, she felt deserted again, back to not trusting anyone, back to being alone, sleeping on the floor"

At the hostel they approached reception and asked to speak to Jessica Rudman

"She's not here at the moment, she works in a café come wine bar place down the road, it's called Bar Noir" The woman on the reception gave them directions

Boyd and Grace found the bar, it was only 4pm so it wasn't busy, they approached the bar, and Boyd spoke to the bar man "A glass of red wine and a bottle of light beer please" he turned to Grace "Grab a table in the corner" he joined Grace at the table, "I thought we could just observe for a while" he said the words with a smile

"You're in charge"

"You've realised at last have you"

"On the case only Boyd"

"Oh back to calling me Boyd now are we"

"What?"

"I seem to remember you using my first name last night"

"I seem to remember saying I didn't want to discuss last night"

"I think we need to" Under the table he rubbed his leg against hers

"Oh stop it Boyd, that boat sailed 25 years ago"

"It doesn't have to be that way Grace, what's to stop us starting again"

"Starting again, are you insane"

"Well if I am you'd be the person to be with"

"I'm not discussing this Boyd, not now"

"Tonight then, come back to my place, I'll cook you dinner and we can talk properly"

"No, I need time"

"That gives you what, 3 hours, how much bloody time do you need"

"I think she could be who we're looking for" Grace said changing the subject "Everyone else is wearing short sleeves, she's wearing long sleeves, could be to cover the scars" Looking around the bar he could see what she meant, all the staff were wearing black trousers and short sleeved black shirts except for one girl who was wearing a long sleeved black shirt, she looked young, slim about 5 feet tall, quite petite, almost child like, with short straightened dark brown hair

"I'll make a police officer out of you yet"

"God help me"

"Say yes Grace?"

"What?"

"Say you'll have dinner with me tonight and I won't mention it again for the rest of the afternoon"

"Fine, dinner, nothing else"

Boyd held his hands up, "That's all I'm asking for"

They finished their drinks and approached the woman in question, "Hi I'm looking for Jessica Rudman" Boyd said, she looked at them without speaking "I'm detective Superintendent Boyd and this is my colleague Dr Grace Foley, are you Jessica Rudman?"

"Yeah that's me, what do you want?" her voice was soft, and quiet, and she sounded nervous

"We'd like to talk to you about Leighton Hall Children's home"

"What about it?"

"Look it would be a lot simpler if we could do this back at our office, would you mind?"

"Your office, is that a polite way of saying the nick"

"Possibly, you're not under arrest, but we would appreciate your help"

The woman sighed, "I need to speak to my boss"

"Which ones the boss?"

"Tall guy behind the bar"

"Well I'll tell you what, you grab your jacket and anything you need and I'll explain things to your boss"

She nodded, reluctantly, she walked out the back and came back wearing a denim jacket and carrying a rucksack.

"Are you ready to go, I've spoken to your boss, he knows you're not in any trouble just helping us out"

Again she nodded, Boyd escorted her to the car and opened the back seat for her, they travelled back in silence.


	8. Jessica

**This is the next chapter, thanks for reading, hope you enjoy.**

**Chapter 8 - Jessica**

Jessica Rudman was shown into an interview room and left on her own for a short time, whilst Boyd went to speak with Frankie about something, Grace watched her from the observation room, she sat on the floor with her back against the wall, her knees pulled up to her chin, her eyes fixed on the floor in front of her, she didn't seem nervous, or worried, she just seemed emotionless.

Grace was brought from her thoughts by the sound of Boyd opening the door to the observation room, "You ready?" he asked her, she nodded her head, he stopped before he opened the door and looked at her sat on the floor, "Why do you think she always sits on the floor?"

"It's not so much the floor that's important, it's the wall, she sits with her back to the wall, so no one can get behind her, she's afraid that someone will grab her from behind, from that position she can see anyone coming into the room"

"Anything else I should be aware of?"

"Not yet, how about I lead on this one, to start with?"

"Okay, no problem" he replied

Inside the room Boyd pulled out a seat for Grace, and they sat down, Jessica remained on the floor, "Would you mind joining us at the table?" Boyd asked her, She stood up and sat opposite them, "Can I get you anything, a tea or coffee, or a cold drink"

"No I'm fine thank you" again her voice was quiet and soft, her eyes fixed firmly on the table

Grace started to speak, "Jessica, is it Okay to call you Jessica, or is it Jess?" they always checked with them as to what they wanted to be called, calling them by their preferred name was an attempt at putting them more at ease

"Either it doesn't matter"

"What do other people call you?"

"Jess mostly"

"Okay Jess it is, we would like to ask you about the time you spent at Leighton Hall Children's Home"

"Okay"

"You were there quite a long time"

"Yeah"

"Can you tell us what it was like there?"

"It was all right, all children's homes are the same"

"What were the staff like?"

She shrugged her shoulders "Okay, I guess"

"Do you think you could be a little more specific"

"I don't know what you want me to say"

"Just the truth. Can I ask you why you were sat on the floor just now, when there were chairs to sit on?"

She again shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know"

"Jess some people have suggested that some of the children at Leighton Hall may have been mistreated"

"Who said that?"

"Well, who said it isn't important, whether it's true or not is what is important, do you think it could be true?"

"I don't know"

"Are you sure, or is it more likely that you do know, but you don't want to say" Boyd now joined in the questioning

Grace spoke again, "Jess this is a safe environment, no one can harm you in here"

"Yeah I know" she said, her gaze not moving from the table top, not daring to look at either Grace or Boyd

"Are you in touch with any of the other residents from the home?"

"No, I haven't seen anyone since it closed down"

"Do you remember at any time any of the girls being pregnant?" She didn't answer, "Were you pregnant at any time whilst living there?"

"No it wasn't me, it's nothing to do with me, they're not mine" she stood up and backed away from the table

"Calm down Jess, no one is accusing you of anything, okay, come and sit back down" Boyd spoke now, "Would you like a glass of water?"

"I'm not afraid of you, I want to leave"

"Sit down Jess" Boyd continued talking to her

"You don't frighten me, do you think I'm afraid of you?"

"I just want you to sit down and answer the questions"

"Or what, what are you gonna do eh, what the fuck can you do to me that hasn't already been done?" she was shouting at the top of her voice, as she spoke she put her hands under the table and turned it over, Boyd stood in front of Grace in a protective manor, he put his hands out, palms facing towards Jessica, defensively.

"It's okay, no one is going to hurt anyone, you're safe here"

"I wanna leave" she stooped down onto the floor, all of a sudden her head lolled back, and her eyes rolled back into her head, she started to have a seizure, violently thrashing on the floor, cutting her eye on the table leg in the process.

"Should I call an ambulance?" Boyd's voice was full of panic

"No she's epileptic, she's just having a seizure" Grace knelt down beside her, pulling her onto her side once she could, after a few minutes the seizure stopped, "The cut doesn't need more than a plaster, can you get her to my office, she'll be out of it for a little while"

"Are you sure we don't need to get her to hospital?"

"She'll be fine, she's stopped fitting, she just needs to sleep to recover"

Boyd picked her up in his arms, she was quite small, so she wasn't heavy, he carried her through to Grace's office and laid her gently on the sofa, Grace put a cushion under her head and lay her on her side.

Spence and Mel followed them through, "What the bloody hell happened" Spence asked

"She's had a seizure, Mel can you grab me a first aid kit" Grace replied, Mel passed her a first aid kit, and Grace put on a pair of gloves and cleaned up the small cut on her head, the others had left them too it, apart from Boyd, who stayed in case she became aggressive again when she woke up

"So how long is she likely to be unconscious for?"

"She's not unconscious, she's sleeping, her brains recovering from the seizure"

"How long is she likely to be like that?"

"No way of knowing, but it's not usually long" Grace pulled a chair up beside the sofa, after 15 minutes she started to wake up

"Where am I?" she asked sleepily

"Hi Jess, you are at the police station, remember, I'm Dr Foley, you had a seizure" She tried to stretch but then grimaced, "You okay Jess?"

"Yeah I've probably just pulled a muscle, it happens all the time"

"Do you want some water?"

"Yeah please" Grace helped her to sit up and then held the cup for her to take a sip

"Have you been taking your medication?"

"Yeah it still happens though"

"Must be a pain"

"Yeah some times more than others" she said touching the plaster just above her eye

"Can I go home now?"

"Well we will need to speak to you again, but I think that's enough for today, can you come back in tomorrow, or would you like us to send a car for you" Boyd replied, in other words either come in voluntarily or they'll fine her

"No I'm sure I can manage to find my way"

"Well let us take you home, just in case you have another seizure" she agreed to Grace's suggestion, and Boyd and Grace drove her to the hostel she was living in, Grace accompanied her inside, making a member of the staff aware of the seizure before she left her, so that someone would keep an eye out for her.


	9. Stay the Night

This is the next chapter, please enjoy, and as always leave a review if you can. Also this one contains a small sex scene, look away if it's not your thing. Thanks for taking the time to read.

**Chapter 9 – Stay the night**

Grace rung the bell on Boyd's front door, the time was 7.30, he opened the door and held it open for her to walk through, "You look lovely" he said as she passed by him, she was wearing a dark blue shirt with a charcoal grey flower printed down one side, it was long sleeved and she was also wearing jeans and flat shoes, Boyd was also dressed casually wearing a white polo shirt and jeans, she handed him the bottle of wine she'd brought with her. "You hungry?" he asked as she followed him through to the kitchen

"Yeah a bit"

"Do you want a glass of wine to start with?" she nodded her head and he opened a bottle of Chardonnay that he'd had chilling in the fridge, poured two glasses and handed one to Grace, "Come through and sit down"

He waited for Grace to sit and then sat next to her on the sofa, "I think for the first time in years I'm sat with you and I have no idea what to talk about" she said

"Why?"

"Because this just feels awkward, after last night"

"Why did you leave?"

"Because it was a mistake, and even you have to admit that"

"No it wasn't, not as far as I'm concerned it wasn't"

"We cannot just pick up again as if everything is okay, it was 25 years ago"

"What difference does that make, I have never stopped loving you, when you first came back into my life, working with the team, I thought I loved you as a friend and nothing more, but it isn't, it's more than that, and last night must have proved it to you"

"Last night was about sex, not love, it was just physical"

"Our relationship was built on sex, it was always very physical, doesn't mean I didn't love you, or that I don't still love you now"

"Oh so you want to just pick up were we left off?"

"I'm not that naïve Grace, I know it will take time, what do you think tonight is about, I want us to have a relationship, not just sex, I want to enjoy your company to spend time with you, take you to the opera, and on long walks, have picnics in the summer, all the things we didn't get a chance to do all that time ago"

"I think it would have been easier if you'd said you just wanted sex"

"Why would that have made things easier?"

"Because I could have just said no, and walked away"

"Does that mean you're not saying no"

"Not yet, depends on how bad your cooking is"

"Ha" Boyd laughed, "It's a salad Grace" she laughed with him, "Stay with me tonight, I don't need sex, I just want to wake up and find you still here" as she turned towards him he lowered his head and kissed her, "I still love you Grace"

"I know you do, and I love you too, but I need to take this slowly, it's been a long time since I had a man in my life"

"Slow is fine, better than fine, slow is great"

They sat and ate and talked, and drank, Boyd sat on the sofa and Grace lay on her back with her head in his lap, looking up at him, his hand lay on her stomach, his fingers tucked slightly under the waistband of her jeans, chatting casually

"Changing the subject slightly what did you think about Jessica today" Grace said turning the conversation to a more serious one

"Not sure, I think we need to dig a little deeper into the home and into Jessica's past, what about you what were your thoughts"

"I think she is damaged goods, she's been to hell and back, we just need to find a way to make her talk about it"

"Do you think it will be possible to get her to open up to us, she has spent her whole life running away, how is she going to know that it's okay to talk about it now, it can't be as easy as opening the floodgates and letting it all out"

"No not at all, we need to convince her that she's safe and that it's okay to talk about what's happened, she's never been able to trust anyone, we need to find a way around that, not sure how we're going to do that yet, I'd like to change tactics tomorrow, talk to her in my office, it's a more comfortable surrounding, it will feel more like a therapy session, I also want to talk to her alone"

"No Grace, she turned aggressive so quickly today, we can't be sure that she won't do that again, I can't leave you alone with her"

"You're office is right opposite mine, how long will it take you to come in if you're needed"

"No, if you want to interview her in your office then fine, but not alone, someone needs to be in their, if you want a female officer then take Mel in with you, but you're not going to be alone with her"

"She won't open up unless she feels safe, and I think she's the key to all this"

"Why do you think she's the key to this"

"During the interview today, just before she had the seizure she said, they're not mine, she knew we were talking about two babies"

"Yeah I picked up on that too, but she's so aggressive, she changed so quickly"

"That could have just been the seizure that caused that"

"Or the anxiety could have caused the seizure, even her shrink said she was unpredictable"

Grace rolled onto her stomach with a wicked glint in her eye, "I can remember a time when I could get you to agree to anything, with one simple act" she lifted his shirt and began to kiss him just above his waist, her tongue gently tickling his skin, he gulped as she gently undid the button and zip on his jeans

"Oh god Grace, that is not fair"

Grace continued to kiss him tenderly, feeling him harden beneath her gentle feather-light kisses, she stopped and looked up at him, his eyes were glazed over, his breathing fast "You okay?" she asked and he nodded his response, having lost the power of speech completely, "do you agree to my request?" she asked with a smile, seductively licking her lips as she looked at him, and he again nodded his head in response, Grace returned to what she had started, whilst he gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, the sheer pleasure of what she was doing almost to much to bare, the feel of her hot mouth around him, her lips teasing up and down him, needless to say it didn't take too long for him to climax.

Once his senses returned, he looked at her, "So that's taking it slow is it"

"Just proving a point, and seeing if I could still get you to agree to just about anything"

"Lets just take it one step at a time, see how she reacts, if everything goes okay, I'll leave you to it, observe from my office, but if she turns aggressive we go back to my way Grace"

"Deal"


	10. Jessica Revisited

Here is the next chapter, hope you enjoy it, thanks for taking the time to read it, and as always your reviews are greatfully received.

**Chapter 10 – Jessica revisited**

It was around 11am when Jessica Rudman walked into the CCHQ, she was just taking her ipod earphones out when Grace walked out to where she was waiting, "Hi Jess, do you want to come through" Jessica looked up at Grace and followed her through to Grace's office, "What were you listening to" Grace asked making conversation

"Evanescence"

"I don't think I know it"

Jess just smiled politely, "It's a bit dark and depressing, but I like it"

In Grace's office Boyd was sat waiting, he noted how she looked different today, she was dressed casually, dark jeans, a black hoody with a white t-shirt underneath, and trainers, she looked even more child like than she had yesterday in her work attire.

"Hi Jess, how are you feeling today" he said as she walked in

"I'm fine" she replied

Boyd sat on an office chair, whilst Grace ushered Jess to the sofa, and then sat on an armchair close to her, she kept a note book on her lap to make notes

"So how come I get the comfortable seats today?"

"We just thought that after yesterday you may have felt a little intimidated, and we want you to feel comfortable, we want your help Jess, you're not suspected of a crime"

"So I can leave if I want to"

"You're free to go at any time, you're not under arrest, but I would prefer it if you stayed and talked to me, I am not a police officer, I am a psychologist"

"So what about the protection" She asked looking at Boyd, "He's police"

"Afraid so, but he's one of the good one's" Grace replied smiling at Boyd

Jess looked as though she may leave, but then stayed where she was, "I just don't know what you want me to say"

"All we want is the truth?"

"About what?"

"About Leighton Hall"

"I told you yesterday, it was just another children's home, I spent my entire life in them until I was sixteen"

"Where did you go when Leighton Hall closed?"

"A place called Somerset Gardens"

"And what was that like?"

"It was fine, just like all the others"

"It's quite warm in here, would you like to take your jacket off?" Grace asked her, changing the subject

"No I'm fine thank you"

"When did you start self harming?"

Jess looked uncomfortable, "What?"

"That is why you keep your arms covered isn't it?"

"You wanna see my arms fine" she stood and took her jacket off and revealed her badly scarred arms

"How old were you, the first time you intentionally harmed yourself?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I think it has a lot to do with everything"

"I don't remember"

"Really, something makes you feel that bad that you want to hurt yourself and you can't remember it"

"Look, Dr Foley"

"It's Grace"

"Fine, Grace, I have been fucked up my entire life, and the fact I've made it to 23 is more to do with luck than judgement, you know where my surname comes from?" Grace shook her head, "It was the name of the contractor on the side of the skip I was found in, inside a black plastic bag with my twin brother, umbilical cords still attached, bloodied and naked, left for dead, thrown out with the fucking rubbish, they called us Jessica and James because a song about Jessie James was in the music charts at the time, and it was being played on the radio in the hospital, James didn't make it passed five days, I don't know why I did, but I did, and I have paid the price for that ever since, I wish I'd died with him okay, is that what you want to hear, I wish I was dead"

"Why?"

"Because no one can hurt you when you're dead"

"But you were given a chance to live, surely you should live for you and James"

"He was the lucky one"

Grace moved on to the sofa and sat next to her, "Who hurt you Jess?"

"What?"

"You said that no one can hurt you when you're dead, that makes me feel that someone has hurt you, who was it?"

"People have been hurting me all my life, everyone I've ever met has hurt me"

"I don't think I've hurt you" Grace replied to her

"What you don't think this hurts? asking me questions about things that I don't want to remember"

"You do remember them though don't you, every minute of every day, you don't want to talk about them and you'd rather not remember them, but you can't forget them, they're with you all the time, that's why you cut yourself, in the hope that the physical pain on the outside will validate the pain on the inside"

"I want to leave now, I can't talk about this any more"

"Don't walk away Jess, I can help you deal with this, help it stop hurting"

"It will never stop hurting, don't you understand that?"

"No I don't, why don't you help me to understand it?"

Jess stood up and picked up her jacket, she was behaving irrationally again, Boyd was ready and waiting to step in if she became aggressive, but she just seemed to be anxious "I need to leave" as she said the words she slumped to the floor, her body convulsing violently again, just as it had the day before, Grace waited for the convulsions to subside and then knelt beside her again, moving her onto her side for safety, once she was sure the seizure was over she got Boyd to lift her back onto the couch, laying her on her side and putting a cushion under her head, just as she had done the previous day.

"Does the anxiety cause the seizure" Boyd asked her

"Possibly, if she's taking her medication she shouldn't get them so frequently, but it could be the stress of all this making them worse, or she may need to have her medication changed"

"You seem to know a lot about it, you know what to do"

"My brother was epileptic, he had regular seizures when we were kids"

"I didn't know"

"No reason why you should, I never told you" Grace sat beside Jess, and held her hand, she slept for about half an hour, Boyd left the room to return to his office, Grace said she would call him when she woke up.

Jess blinked a couple of times and took in her surroundings, "Hey, you back with us" Grace spoke to her softly, Jess instinctively pulled her hand from Grace's

After a few minutes she spoke, "How long was I out of it?"

"About half an hour, not long"

"I need the toilet Grace"

"Ok, I'll show you were it is" Grace helped her to her feet, making sure she was steady before showing her to the toilets, and then waiting for her as she washed her hands, "Jess are you taking your epilepsy medicine regularly, it's just two seizures in two days is a lot if your being medicated for them"

"Do you know someone with epilepsy?"

"What makes you ask that"

"Most people are weary, they're not sure what to do, most would call an ambulance, but you seem like you've dealt with it before"

"My brother is epileptic, he had a lot of seizures when he was a child, you didn't answer my question, have you stopped taking your anti-convulsants?"

Jess leant against the basins and nodded her head

"But why would you do that, without the medication your seizures will happen more frequently"

"Because..." she paused for a moment, "because I think I'm pregnant" she said in a hushed voice

Grace moved closer to her, leaning on the basins next to her, she looked like a frightened child, "Have you seen a Dr, taken advice on the medication, not all medication is harmful to an unborn baby, if yours is, they maybe able to change it to something that's not harmful"

"No, I haven't spoken to anyone about it"

"Have you taken a test" Jess shook her head in response, "What about the father, have you told him"

"I don't know who he is, I think it happened when I was in the hospital, but I have no recollection of who or when" Jess spoke quietly, she sounded ashamed of herself

Grace put her hand on Jess's back, and for the first time she didn't flinch away, "What if I get a test and we find out for sure if you are pregnant, we could do it here, or if you would like more privacy you could come back to my home and do it"

"Why would you do that for me?"

"Because I think you could do with a friend, someone to lean on, I don't want anything from you Jess, I'm just offering the hand of friendship"


	11. Taking Risks

Here's the next chapter, please review, and enjoy.

**Chapter 11 – Taking Risks**

Grace told Boyd she was going to take Jess back to the hostel and then head home, she stopped off at a chemists on the way and purchased a pregnancy test, and then drove them to her home, she opened her front door and showed Jess into the lounge, "Can I get you a drink, tea, coffee, or something cold"

"Um, something cold would be great, thank you"

"Okay, I have orange juice or cola"

"Juice, thanks"

Grace left her alone whilst she went to get the drinks, making herself a coffee, she returned a short time later, Jess was sat on the sofa, Grace handed her a glass of orange juice, and then sat down herself, she took the pregnancy test out of her bag and read the instructions, "You can do this when you're ready, the bathroom is upstairs" Jess nodded her head in response, "Jess why do you think you're pregnant, if you don't remember being sexually active, isn't there a chance that you haven't been?"

"Sometimes I do stuff without realising what I'm doing, and I have no recollection of them afterwards, in the past I've shoplifted, assaulted people, had one night stands, bought stuff, once a TV I'd bought was delivered, and I knew nothing about it"

"Have you spoken to Dr Vine about it?"

"You know who my psychiatrist is?"

"Yes, we had your prison records sent to us, is that a problem?"

"No, not really, I was just surprised, he says I suffer from episodes of psychosis, it could be caused by the epilepsy"

"Or it could be caused by a traumatic event from your past"

"Well whatever, my periods late, and it's not exactly unheard of for me to have unprotected sex without remembering"

"Anything could cause your period to be late, stress, poor diet, medication"

"Do they cause morning sickness too? I'm not completely stupid Grace, and I'm not over reacting to missing a period"

"I'm just trying to be the voice of reason, and for the record I don't think you're stupid, maybe you should just do the test and find out for sure"

"Yeah I guess so" Jess took the test to Grace's bathroom and followed the instructions, taking the small white stick back to the lounge and sitting with Grace to wait for the result, after a short time the word pregnant was visible in the small window, "I guess now we know eh" she sat with her head in her hands, Grace moved and sat beside her, gently rubbing her back

"Is it such a bad thing, maybe it's what you need, your own family"

"I won't be allowed to keep it, they'll take it into care"

"What makes you think that?"

"Because they told me before, my social worker told me I wouldn't be allowed to keep a baby because of my mental health problems and the self harming, she told me it would be taken from me at birth and put up for permanent adoption"

"So you've been pregnant before?"

"It was a false alarm, a couple of years back, that's why I haven't told anybody that I might be now"

"Things change Jess, with the right support, you could be great"

"What kind of a life would a child have with me, even if they did let me keep it, the next time I go off the rails they'll take it into care, and it'll end up with the same shit life that I've had, no one giving a shit about you, I'm sorry I have to go"

"You don't need to go, stay and have something to eat with me"

"I have taken up too much of your time already" she stood up to leave

"My times my own Jess, I don't have a husband or children I live alone, and this isn't an inconvenience okay, would you be offended if I gave you a hug" she hesitated and then shook her head again, Grace pulled her close and put her arms around her, she didn't respond, it was like she didn't know how to, she wanted to be held, to be comforted, but it was such a foreign feeling to her that she had no idea how to respond, so she just stood there, her face against Grace's shoulder

"I'm tired Grace, tired of being me" she said in a quiet voice

"What do you want Jess, what do you want out of life"

"I want to stop feeling tired, and afraid, and alone, I want to stop sleeping on the floor, and hurting myself, I want to stop having nightmares every time I close my eyes"

Grace drew back from her, she held her arms and looked her in the eye, "Listen to me Jess, all of those things are achievable, but you need to start talking about the things that make you feel that way, if you don't it will never feel any better, and the pain will never go away"

"You just want me to talk about Leighton Hall"

"That's partly true, because we need to solve the mystery that surrounds that place, but you need to do this for you, not for anyone else, you say you're tired of being you, but the only way you can change is to break free of the things that are holding you back, and the only way to do that is to face up to it, to admit what happened and talk about it, there are people that can help you with this"

"Will you help me"

"Me, I'm a forensic psychologist, not a counsellor "

"Is it so different, all you have to do is listen"

"Not quite that simple, I can and will listen to you any time, but what you really need is a course of therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy or something similar"

"I've had all that stuff, it never helped because I can't open up to people, I don't trust them"

"Well you do need to gel with a therapist, to develop a rapport, without that it is difficult to open up, that's true for anyone not just you"

"But I feel like I could gel with you, I can't remember the last time I let someone put their arms around me, but I let you"

"Like I've said I'm not really a therapist, but I'd be happy to help all I can, to listen to you"

"Why didn't my Mum want me Grace, why did she throw us away like rubbish"

"I can't answer that, there are a lot of possible reasons why your Mum did what she did"

"Like what? you profile people, you could build a profile of her, tell me what she would have been like, what would have made her do that"

"Well, she would have probably been very young, we know that she was using heroin and alcohol, because you both had addiction's when you were born, because of the drug use and the area you were found in it's highly likely that she was a prostitute, she probably got pregnant in error and didn't want the baby, or babies, as we now know you to have been twins, when she gave birth she was probably alone and afraid, and out of desperation she put the babies in a bag and disposed of them in a skip, it is possible that she may have even thought you were still born, and didn't know what to do, she probably didn't have anyone to turn to. She would have acted out of desperation Jess, feeling that she had no other options"

"I have no history, I don't know where I come from, and I have no family, no one at all, and I'm lonely"

"What about Lisa Hallam in prison, you trusted her"

"Yeah but she still left me"

"She was released, she had children she wanted to see, she didn't betray you"

"Everyone leaves me in the end"

"What made you trust Lisa, why was she so different"

"She wasn't afraid of me, I don't mean because I'm some sort of hard case, I'm not like that, but people see me as unpredictable, they're afraid of me because of the scars, and the epilepsy, and the way I act sometimes, but she was different, like you in a way, she made me feel safe"

"She gave me her number, said you'd always be welcome at her home, and that she'd love to see you"

"Nah, I'm better off on my own, I'm used to it, at least you don't get disappointed when you only rely on yourself"

"But you'll never stop being lonely if you don't learn to trust people"

Just as Jess was about to speak Grace's front door bell rang, "I'll be right back, stay here"

Grace opened her front door to find Boyd standing there, "Peter, what are you doing here"

He produced a bottle of wine from behind his back, "I thought you might like some company, and I thought I would quite like to spend the evening with my girlfriend, if I'm allowed to call you that"

"Um, yeah, Peter I have someone here"

"What, who?" he barged past her thinking she meant another man, but finding Jess sat on the sofa, "Jess, hi" he turned around and scowled at Grace

"Superintendent Boyd" Jess again stood up, "Grace I should be going"

"Jess wait, Peter is a friend of mine, he didn't know you were here" Grace didn't want Jess to think she had betrayed her by getting Boyd to come around

"It's okay like I said I ought to get back, thanks for your help though" Within seconds she had gone

Peter was staring at Grace in disbelief "What the hell are you playing at?"

"Damn it, She was opening up to me Peter"

"She is unpredictable and unstable, we have seen her become aggressive and yet you feel it's okay to bring her to your home, alone, anything could have happened"

"She's not unpredictable and unstable, she's frightened and alone, she needed someone to talk to, someone to look after her"

"You are unbelievable, she's dangerous, she could have murdered those babies for all we know"

"If, and I emphasise the word if, those babies were hers then she did not kill them"

"Oh you know that do you, she's told you"

"No she hasn't told me, that young woman has been through a living nightmare, and I'm trying to get her to open up to me, but whatever is in her past, it is so bad that she can't even talk about it"

"What and you can't do that in the office where it's safe, where you have other people to step in if you need them"

"She's not dangerous Peter, she just needs to learn that there are people in the world that she can trust, people that won't abuse and hurt her, and then abandon her, she has never known what it's like to feel loved, to call someone Mum"

"You're not her Mum, for god's sake Grace she's not Emma" Boyd realised straight away that he had gone too far, said the wrong thing, "Grace I'm sorry, I didn't mean that" he put his hand to his head

"Get out Peter"

He stepped closer to her, "I was just worried about you, she might have hurt you"

"Get out"

"No Grace come on, I would never use Emma to hurt you, I love you, I know how much you loved Emma, it's just the thought of someone hurting you, sometimes you just take these huge risks without a thought for yourself, and I don't want to be without you, not now, after all this time I've got you back, I'm so sorry Grace, please forgive me?"


	12. Relationships

**Here's the next chapter, thank you for reading, please leave your comments and reviews. A special thankyou to missduncan for her constant reviews, I really appreciate it.  
><strong>

**Chapter 12 – Relationships**

Grace relented and let Boyd stay, they sat and enjoyed a glass of wine together, "She was starting to open up to me Peter, not much admittedly, but just little snippets of the real her"

"Do you think she might talk some more tomorrow?"

"No harm in trying, it's the only way we'll get to the truth. There is one thing though, she's pregnant, so we need to take it even easier on her than we have been, let her talk but don't push the questioning too far"

"Pregnant? I thought she was a lesbian"

"Why?"

"I don't know, her appearance, the way Lisa Hallam said she tried to be physical with her"

"People who are sexually abused often confuse affection with sex, Lisa's nice to her, caring towards her, so she thinks that the correct response is to have sex with her, she may or may not be gay, if the only physical contact she has had has been sexual, she will naturally think that anyone who shows her any affection wants sex in return, so she tries to comply because she thinks that the affection will be withdrawn if she doesn't, in some cases people who are victims of abuse become promiscuous for the same reason, they want to please so that the contact isn't withdrawn"

"So is she promiscuous, is that how she got pregnant?"

"No I don't think so, Lisa said she was unable to be physical with her, that she used to clam up, Jess has episodes of psychosis, she acts out of character, does things she cannot remember, including having unprotected sex, apparently this isn't the first time"

"So could she have had these episodes ten years ago, could she have got pregnant then and not known how?"

"I think it's more likely that whatever happened in the home has caused the psychosis, childhood trauma and abuse can have a massive impact on the life of that person as an adult"

"I think we should stop talking about work now" he had a small smile on his face

"So what would you like to talk about Peter"

"I don't think we should talk at all" he leaned across and kissed her, slowly pulling her onto his lap, his lips locked with hers

Grace pulled away from him "You're like a bloody teenager, I'm not sure I can keep up"

"It's new, everyone's like this at the start of a new relationship"

"Yeah, and thirty years ago it would have been fine, nowadays I need to actually get some sleep at night in order to be able to function the following day"

"Do you want me to leave" he said with a pretend sulky expression on his face, his bottom lip pouting

"No, you can stay, but I need an early night"

"Sounds good to me"

Grace glared at him "I mean to sleep"

"We can sleep afterwards" he replied kissing her neck softly trying to persuade her

"Stop it Peter, don't make me have to moan"

"But I like it when you moan" he whispered softly into her ear, his tongue tracing the outline of her earlobe. She tutted at him in response. "It's not my fault, it's yours"

"I beg your pardon" Grace questioned his statement

"You make me feel horny all the time, sometimes I could do with a cold shower just to get me through the day"

"We're not kids any more Peter"

"What difference does that make"

"A lot"

"So because I'm the wrong side of forty I'm not aloud to want to make love to you"

"The wrong side of forty?" Grace said with a smile, trying not to laugh, "Are we being a little economical with with the truth?"

He tried not to laugh, "No, I am the wrong side of forty"

"Your the wrong side of fifty Peter"

"Yeah, but does that not also make me the wrong side of forty, come on Grace, my statement is not untrue"

"Bloody hell, I only said I was tired"

He lifted her hand to his face, and kissed it softly, "You can just lay back and enjoy it, I'll do all the work"

"Only if you promise not to wake me up" they both laughed at her response

He stood up and picked her up with him, carrying her up the stairs to her bedroom, "I haven't locked up yet"

"I, Dr Foley, will go and attend to the security of your home, whilst you make yourself comfortable"

Peter checked the house was secure before joining Grace in bed, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her tenderly, his hands around her back, fingers tracing gentle patterns on her skin, she moved her mouth to his neck, biting down gently on his skin, he sighed deeply as he felt her teeth against his skin, he spoke gently in her ear "oh god Grace do that again", she willingly obliged gently nipping at his skin, hard enough to turn him on, soft enough not to leave a mark, he sat astride her, bending forward to kiss her, first on her lips, and then blazing a trail downwards between her breasts, down her stomach, and then back up again, focusing on her breasts, first one then the other, gently sucking her nipples until they hardened beneath his tongue, before returning his mouth to hers, he lay himself on top of her, and then gently moving inside of her, her hands on his back, nails scratching at his skin, pulling him deeper into her, his mouth only leaving hers when he wanted to whisper in her ear, or needed to moan louder, about twenty minutes later he moved his mouth to her ear again, "I'm gonna cum Grace" he started to thrust harder into her, "Grace are you close" he asked her, not wanting to leave her unsatisfied

"Oh god yes" Grace replied to his question, panting desperately into his ear, he felt her body tense and her inner muscles grip him as she climaxed just before he did.

He lay on top of her breathlessly, before rolling off her, she rolled onto her side and he snuggled against her back spooning her, feeling the damp sheen of perspiration that covered her back, against the one on his stomach, his hands wrapped gently around her waist, "I love you" he whispered to her

"I love you too" she replied, it didn't take long for either of them to fall asleep

Grace's alarm clock went off at 6.30, the radio filling the room with noise, much to Peter's distaste, "Jesus Christ, what the fuck is that" he yelled sleepily

Grace stretched out an arm and turned it off, "It's just my alarm" she said whilst yawning

"Is it that time already"

"Afraid so, I'll go and put the kettle on" she replied whilst getting up and pulling her bath robe around her, looking at Peter trying to bury his face in a pillow, she pulled it from under him and hit him with it

"Ow Grace, I need more sleep"

"I did tell you we were too old for all that nocturnal activity, but you wouldn't listen"

"Fun though wasn't it"

"Get up Peter" she replied with a smile


	13. Case Update

Another chapter, hope people are still enjoying it, there are 24 chapters to this one, and I have them all pre-written, I am in hopsital most of next week so will try and get time to post another chapter before I go in, thanks for taking the time to read this, and as always please leave a review.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13 – Case Update<strong>

Grace arrived at the hostel where Jess was living at around 9am, Boyd had gone onto the office, but Grace said she would pick up Jess and bring her in, "Hi I'm here to pick up Jess Rudman"

"Okay, if you go straight up the stairs, it's room twelve"

"Oh, okay, is it okay to just go up?"

"Yeah, the doors are locked, so you have to knock, you can't just go in"

Grace thanked the woman and then walked up the stairs to room twelve, and knocked on the door, it took a couple of minutes for her to hear the door being unlocked from the inside, when it was open a rather sleepy looking Jess stood the other side, wearing pyjamas, "Grace, what are you doing here?"

"I thought I could give you a lift in today, so we could continue our conversation"

"Okay, um, do you want to come in?" Jess opened the door, and let Grace in to the small single room, it contained a single bed, an arm chair and a TV, a small attached room had a toilet and wash basin in it, Jess explained that the showers were down the hall, but she had her own fridge,toaster and kettle, for hot and cold drinks, she made Grace a cup of tea and then left her to go and take a shower.

When she returned she was dressed, "How are you feeling today?" Grace asked her

"I'm okay"

"I was worried about you last night, you left so suddenly"

"I don't have any thing against him, Mr Boyd I mean, I'm just not good at talking in front of people, well I'm not very good with people in general"

Grace smiled at her and handed her a business card "Jess this is my contact number, my phone is always on, if ever you want to talk, you can call me, day or night"

"Thanks, I'll keep it safe, so is he your boyfriend?"

"I'm not sure we can describe him as a boy, but we are in a relationship yes"

"Have you been together long"

"That's a difficult question to answer"

"I'm sorry, I should mind my own business"

"No it's not that, we were together years ago, and then again just recently"

"Did you not want kids?"

"I had a daughter, but she died"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked"

"It's okay, I've spent the last couple of days bombarding you with questions it's only fair you should want to know about me, but it's not something I talk about, it was a long time ago. Shall we go"

o0o

Back in the CCHQ the team were sat in the bullpen, catching up on the case, Boyd as always was sipping from his coffee cup in between sentences, "Frankie what's the news on the stuff from the basement"

"Well, I've carried out tests on the mattress, and to be honest it's a bit of a cocktail of bodily fluids from several different people, I have isolated the samples and run the DNA through the database, I have matches for most of the residents on the list, I have more DNA than I do names, but then not all of the residents are on the database, the large amount of blood on the floor was all from the same person, and is a match for Jessica Rudman"

"So we know Jess has been in that room"

"Yes, her DNA was also on the mattress, and the hand print on the wall also belongs to her, the finger prints were a one hundred percent match"

"Anything else, do we have a DNA match for the babies yet, do we have any idea who the parents are"

"I am in the process of that, I will have an answer for you in a couple of hours"

"Okay, thanks, Mel, Spence how are we getting on with the residents, and do we have a list of staff, that worked in the home or came into contact with anyone at the home"

Mel spoke first "We do have a list of staff, there were eight regular members of staff that worked on a shift system, they ran a skeleton staff at night, usually only 3 members of staff, and then had five members of staff during the day, they worked a rolling five day week, and days off were covered by social workers, it was a regular team of people, the man in charge was a Thomas Vincent, he took early retirement when the home closed, none of them have convictions for offences against children, or criminal records at all"

"That's not unusual though, abuse in children's home's existed because they were easy targets, they were too scared to speak out against the abusers, and not believed and called trouble makers if they did, do we know where they all are now?"

"Yep we have a list of address's"

"Great, and the residents, how we doing with that Spence"

"We interviewed Philip Connelly in prison, but got nothing useful from him, same as the others, it was a kids home, it was horrible, but nothing specific"

"Any others"

"No luck tracing any of the others, it's possible they're living on the streets, the majority of the former residents seem to have gone down the same route, drug addiction, alcoholism, prostitution, living rough, only a few have managed to make it in main stream society"

"Okay, well keep at it, Grace is bringing Jess Rudman in with her, so that we can talk to her again, Grace is hopeful that she maybe the one to open up to us, and that once one of them talks the others may find it easier to do so"


	14. Closer To The Truth

**Hi to all still reading this fic,**** I am now back from my hospital stay, and recovering well from surgery on my stomach, so I am now posting again, I know I have a problem with my grammar, I am only too happy to admit that, and am on the lookout for software that will sort this out for me, if anyone knows of one please mail me. As for the story, I hope you are still enjoying it, please leave your comments and reviews, even constructive critisism is welcome, I won't take offense unless you are rude, and I doubt you will be.****  
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**Chapter 14 – Closer to The Truth**

The case review was over when Grace arrived at the office, the team had dispersed back to their desks and Frankie back to the lab.

Boyd was sat at his desk on the telephone, he raised his hand to acknowledge Grace as she walked past his office door. She hung up her coat and poured a glass of water for Jess, "Make yourself comfortable, I'll be back in a second" she told Jess before heading into Boyd's office, he waved her in whilst still talking on the phone, she walked around his desk and stood next to him perching on his desk, he winked at her, his hand gently resting on her leg, he would never be so bold in front of the others, but no one was around, so he took a risk, he finished his phone call.

"Hey, how are you" he asked her, unable to stop smiling

"About the same as I was when you saw me a couple of hours ago, and if you don't stop smiling the team are gonna think you've gone insane."

"I'm insanely happy Grace, I can't help it."

"Try harder Boyd, this is work."

"Duly noted Dr Foley, must try harder."

"Jess is waiting for us, if your ready."

"Lead the way."

Back in Grace's office Jess sat on Grace's sofa, and Grace sat beside her, Boyd again sat on a desk chair, further away, he explained he needed to be there to listen to the interview, but was happy for Grace to do the talking.

"Jess why don't you continue telling us about your childhood, yesterday you told us about being abandoned, and about your brother James, why don't you tell us what other strong memories you have from your childhood."

Jess looked as though she needed to summon some courage from some where to find the words she needed to say, she took a deep breath, "I don't really know what to talk about."

"Anything, tell us one of your earliest memories."

"I remember being fostered once, I don't know how many times I was fostered, but this was the only time I remember, I don't remember their names, they were a white middle aged couple, and they had this really nice house, it was really immaculate, with lots of ornaments, and a bird in a cage, I think I had more in common with the bird than I did with them, when I got there, the woman picked me up and showed me a sign in the hallway, I couldn't read I was only about five, but she read it to me, it said **All Gods Children Welcome Here. **I was, or rather I am, really clumsy, I spill thinks, knock things over, drop things, tread on things, break things, fall over things, it's not intentional, I just am, I always have been, even now. I don't know how long I was there, time doesn't mean much when your little does it? I just remember my social worker coming to pick me up and seeing the sign in the hallway, I remember thinking that I wasn't one of gods children, because they didn't want me"

"Did you feel rejected?"

"I don't know, I mean I don't remember how I felt, the only thing that stands out was the bloody sign and the bird."

"What else can you remember, not from that place, but from anywhere else."

"I remember basic things, one place had dormitory's instead of single rooms, there just seemed to be the biggest room ever, filled with beds and cots, and they used to make us all line up at basins to wash and brush our teeth morning and night, and it had a room that had about five baths in it, all in a row."

"How long did you stay there, can you remember?"

"I don't remember, I remember that the door on the big room seemed huge, and it was really spooky looking, I was always frightened of that door."

"Why did it frighten you?"

"When it was dark, I always thought monsters would come in through the door, the only way I could get to sleep was to turn away from it, sleep with my back to the door, other wise I couldn't close my eyes, you know when something frightens you so much you can't take your eyes off it, it's like I was frozen with fear."

"Your doing really well Jess, do you want a drink?"

"I'm okay, I think I just need to keep going, if I stop I don't know if I'll be able to start again."

"Okay, you just carry on at your speed, do you remember the first day you went to Leighton Hall?"

Jess took a deep breath, and Grace was sure she could hear a really tiny whimper, but she couldn't be sure "Yeah, I was six, that was when they gave up on me, they never tried to foster me again, I wasn't on the adoption list, I was abandoned, there was no one else my age at Leighton, everyone was older, I remember that there were no toys. At the previous place we had a play room, with toys, bikes and swings in the garden, but there was nothing like that, my social worker carried my bag, she put her hand out as if she was gonna hold my hand, but she just held me round the wrist, almost as if she was worried I was gonna escape, I had one teddy bear, little scruffy brown thing, I used to suck my thumb and hold it in the same hand so it was near my face." she demonstrated what she meant to them, "it was more threads than anything, but it was my only possession, other than my clothes, and I didn't have that many clothes, they showed me into my room, it was a single room, and everything seemed brown, grey or brown, no other colours, the room seemed huge. That night no one told me when to go to bed, no one told me to brush my teeth or wash my face, it was like I didn't exist, when I went to bed, the room was so dark, there was no lamp, just the main light, and they closed all the bedroom doors, I was so scared. I wanted to go to the toilet, but I was so scared I couldn't get out of bed, I just lay there frozen, I ended up wetting the bed, because I was too afraid to get up and find the toilet. The next morning I got up, I took off my sheets, and gathered them up into a ball, it's what they used to make us do at the other place, if we'd wet the bed, I took them outside my room to find the laundry room, but this man saw me, he asked me what I was doing, so I told him I'd had an accident, he said if you piss the bed that's your problem, sheets get changed at the weekend, not before, put them back on your bed, and get dressed, I went back into my room and sat on the bed, my clothes were cold and wet, I started to dress myself, no bath or wash, just put my clothes on, just then the door opened, and a boy put his head around the door, he wasn't staff, just another kid from the home, he was cheeky looking, he said you all right little-un, I didn't answer I just shook my head, he told me to wait there, a couple of minutes later the door opened again, and he came in with two girls, here you go these two will take care of you, the girls undressed me, took me to the bathroom and gave me a bath, they then dressed me and brushed my hair, and took me to the kitchen, the boy from earlier was there, he winked at me and whispered in my ear, don't you worry about them sheets either, I'll take care of that for you, and sure enough when I came back from school I had fresh sheets on my bed."

"So the older kids looked after you, it must have felt a little re-assuring to know someone was there to help you."

"Most of them looked out for me, they weren't all nice, as with all places there were bullies, thieves, trouble makers, but you get that everywhere, there were more nice ones than bad, the trouble is that I was so much younger than them, that they were continuously moving on, when you hit sixteen they moved you out into a bedsit, or a hostel."

"So did they protect you."

"No not protect, they cleaned me up, bathed me, dried my tears, and washed my clothes, but they couldn't protect me, we were all in the same boat, none of us were safe."

"Who was it that you weren't safe with?"

"The staff."

"Can you tell me a little bit more about the staff?"

Jess nodded her head, "I need to go to the toilet Grace" she said the words almost child like, it would have looked fitting if she'd put her hand up like a child in a class.

"Come on I'll take you through." Grace replied, escorting her to the ladies room, and waiting for her, she came out of the cubicle and went to the basin to wash her hands, "How you feeling?"

"I'm not sure really, some of it's really easy to talk about, some of it, I just can't find the words for."

"You are doing really well, and it doesn't matter what words you use, as long as it's what you mean."

She stopped and gripped the side of the basin with her hands, and stood looking in the mirror, "Grace I can't do it, I don't want to do this any more!" her voice was frightened and full of emotion, but she didn't cry, Grace moved towards her and tried to comfort her, but she stepped back, her hands flapping in panic, "No don't touch me, please don't touch me."

"Jess I'm not going to hurt you, and I won't let anyone else hurt you, you're safe here, if you don't want to talk any more today then that's fine, we can stop whenever you want, you are in control, not me or Boyd or anyone else, just you, and we go at your pace."

Jess continued to pace around in panic, and as she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she lifted her hand and punched the mirror as hard as she could, smashing the mirror, and deeply cutting her hand, she lifted her hand and did it again before Grace had time to stop her.

"No Jess stop it, you're hurting yourself" Grace put her arms around Jess from behind, pinning her arms to her sides in the process, just then the toilet door burst open and Mel and Boyd ran in.

"Grace you okay?" Boyd asked

"Yes I'm fine, Mel can you get a first aid kit please, Jess has hurt her hand, Boyd I can't hold her." Jess was struggling to get out of Grace's grip.

"Okay, I'll stand behind you, when you're ready you let go and I'll restrain her."

"Get your hands off me, let me go!" Jess was screaming at the top of her voice

"Boyd I'm ready." Grace said. She let go of Jess and ducked out of the way so that Boyd could take over restraining her and prevent her hurting herself further, Boyd held her the same way Grace had, standing behind her, his arms around her and over the top of hers, pinning her arms to her sides, she was small and Boyd found it easy to keep her still, even though she was kicking at his shins.

"Jess calm down, it's okay, no ones going to hurt you, just calm down." Boyd spoke to her continuously, in a soft gentle tone, quite unlike his normal baritone voice that boomed through the office, he kept his grip tightly around her, holding her to him, Grace ran some water in a basin to wash her hand, it was badly cut blood pouring from it all over the floor.

"Jess I need to wash your hand and see how bad it is okay, it might sting."

Jess stopped thrashing about, but continued to struggle against him so Boyd kept his grip on her as Grace gently lowered her hand into the basin.

Just then Frankie came in with Mel and a first aid kit, Frankie had gloves on and took over from Grace, "Grace let me see" she took Jess's hand out of the water and inspected the injuries, "Sorry but it's gonna need stitches, you're gonna need to take her to casualty, I can bandage it for now." Frankie dressed the hand, to help stem the blood flow so they could get her to casualty, once she'd finished, Boyd asked them all to leave the toilets for a minute so he could speak to Jess.

"You too Grace." she looked at him strangely "Please?"

They all left, leaving Boyd and Jess alone in the toilets, he kept his arms wrapped tightly around her small frame, and rested his head against the side of her head so he could speak into her ear.

"Listen to me Jess, I want to talk to you, just you and me, okay." she didn't acknowledge him, so he said it again, "okay, can you hear me?" he squeezed his arms around her a little tighter to get her attention, she nodded her head to him, he kept his voice soft and gentle not wanting to frighten her any further, "I need to get you to hospital, to have your hand stitched, so I need to let go of you, and I need to make sure you are not going to hurt anyone, yourself included when I let go of you, does that make sense?"

"Yes."

"I know you're scared, and you just want to run and hide and hurt yourself, but we can't let you do that, now you can feel my arms around you can't you, holding you tight, feel how strong they are." she nodded her head to him, "I am not going to let anyone hurt you, I'm going to protect you and keep you safe, now if you want to hit someone you hit me, you have my permission, not the face though" he said with a small smile, "I'm serious Jess, I know you've been through a terrible, terrible ordeal, and I can't even begin to imagine what is going through your head when you hurt yourself, I only know that anything that makes you feel that bad must be pretty bloody unbearable" he felt her body stop struggling, "If I loosen my grip are you gonna hurt yourself again?" she shook her head, he loosened his grip little by little, until eventually he was just holding her in his arms rather than restraining her, "You okay?"

"I'm sorry" she said "I would never hurt anyone else, especially Grace"

"It's okay, come here" he turned her around so that he could hold her, engulfing her in his arms, he was starting to realise why Jess was getting under Grace's skin so much, she was so vulnerable and defenceless, something just made you want to take care of her and protect her, yet all her life people had done the exact opposite.


	15. Shock Tactics

**Hi all, this chapter contains Jess's story of her childhood, and as such contains issues some may find upsetting, it is not graphic, or pornographic, and it is not intended to offend anyone. Please leave your reviews. Many thanks for reading.**

**Chapter 15 – Shock Tactics**

Boyd drove Jess to the hospital, Grace sat in the back with her, keeping her hand raised to prevent any further blood loss, although it wasn't major, she hadn't hit any arteries, it was a nasty injury. At the hospital, they looked like a family, Mum, Dad and Daughter, instead of what they really were. They registered at reception, and waited for Jess to be assessed by a triage nurse, Jess had asked them not to say it was self inflicted, worried she would be sectioned again.

A nurse called out her name, and she looked to Grace, "Will you come with me, please?" Grace stood up and escorted her into the cubicle where her wounds were looked at and assessed, she then had an x-ray to check for fragments of broken glass, they placed a special apron over her stomach to protect her unborn child from the harmful rays of the x-ray machine. She then waited to be seen by a nurse to stitch the wound, again when her name was called she asked Grace to go with her.

"I'm just going to put some local anaesthetic in to the wound, make it go numb before I stitch it." the nurse informed her.

"No it's okay, just stitch it, it's fine."

"Jess, no, let them numb it for you." Grace interrupted.

"It's fine, honest."

"It's rather a deep cut, I need to put in quite a few stitches, it will be quite sore."

"It's fine, just start when you're ready."

"I'll wait outside then." Grace turned to leave, she had a good idea that Jess would agree to the anaesthetic rather than be on her own.

"No, please, stay with me."

"Only if you have the anaesthetic."

The nurse looked at Jess, syringe poised, waiting for Jess to change her mind "Okay, I'll have it."

"See, sometimes Mum knows best." The nurse commented, Grace noted how Jess's face lit up, because the nurse had wrongly assumed Grace was her mother, she didn't bother to correct her and neither did Jess.

In the waiting room Boyd grew ever impatient, he'd been sat there nearly two hours, he had numb arse, and was growing impatient with the constant flow of morons that flowed through the waiting room, people who couldn't or wouldn't stop there kids from running riot, idiots that took no notice of the mobile phone ban, despite it being written in large letters every where, not to mention crying babies, he sighed inwardly, praying they would be out soon, sure enough the door opened and Grace and Jess walked out, jess's hand bandaged and in a sling, Grace holding an appointment card and carrying some pain killers.

"Hey all okay?" Boyd said as they approached.

Jess just nodded her head, but Grace went into more detail, "She has 23 stitches, they need to come out in 7 days."

Boyd put his hand on Jess's back as he escorted her to the car "Is it sore?"

"No, Grace made me have the local anaesthetic, I wouldn't normally have bothered."

"Why suffer when you don't need to." They walked back to Boyd's car, this time Grace sat in the front, and Jess sat in the back alone, staring out of the window as they drove along.

"Do you want me to take you home?" Boyd asked Jess.

"Or you could come back to mine, if you don't want to be alone." Grace said before she could answer.

Silence filled the car for a few minutes, they both looked on the back seat to see Jess still gazing out of the window, "Jess, you okay?"

She snapped back to life, "Yeah, sorry I was miles away."

"I hope it was somewhere nice." Boyd said trying to lighten her mood.

"hmm." she replied, "I want you to take me to Leighton Hall."

"What?" Boyd replied, thinking he'd misheard her.

"I need to go back, and I need you to take me, to come with me."

"I don't think that's a good idea Jess, you've already had a hell of a day, Grace don't you agree?"

"I think if Jess wants to go, then we should take her."

"Are you serious?"

"You keep telling me that I'm safe with you, that you won't let anyone hurt me, and that you'll protect me, well then who better to take me back."

"She's right Boyd."

-o0o-

Boyd pulled his car up onto the drive way of Leighton Hall, because of the ongoing enquiry there was still a police presence at the building, he showed his warrant card to the officer and informed him who Grace and Jess were. Grace watched as Jess stepped out of the car and looked up at the building, she looked terrified, and Grace could only hope that taking her there was the right decision, Grace stood beside her, "It's only a building, it can't hurt you."

"I know." she replied

They walked towards the front door, and Boyd opened it and let them in, in the hallway Jess stood silently, taking in the surroundings, she closed her eyes, in her mind she could see and hear it as it was, people walking around, hooks full of coats in the entrance hall, rows of muddy shoes and trainers beneath that, in the distance she could hear the kitchen, the sounds of cutlery and cups, music from upstairs, some of the older kids had stereos in their rooms, a fight in the TV room, arguing over the channels. Suddenly it all fades, and Jess is back standing in the derelict building with Boyd and Grace, her right arm in a sling, Grace was standing to her left, and she gently slipped her left hand into Grace's, and Grace held onto it, reassuringly squeezing it.

"Why don't you show us round?" Grace said to her and she nodded her head in agreement, she led Grace by the hand, through the corridors.

"This was the kitchen, it had a two long tables in it, and the chairs used to be stacked against the wall when we weren't using them, through this way, this was the laundry room, it used to have three washers and three driers, we used to have to do our own laundry, but the housekeeper used to do all the sheets and bedding and towels."

She took them back along to a room near the entrance, "This was the TV room, there was always fights in here, everyone wanting something different on, the room had sofas and chairs and bean bags in it, one of the boys, Tommy, if ever he didn't have a seat and I did, he used to pick me up and sit in my seat and then sit me on his lap."

She glanced out of the window towards the large back garden, the area where the digging had taken place was still visible for all to see. She turned away, and walked up the stairs, still holding onto Grace's hand, Boyd following on behind them, upstairs were corridors of small rooms, the bedrooms, seven on the first floor and seven on the second, "Boys on the top floor, girls on this one." she said, "Two bathrooms on each floor."

She walked along to a room on the left and opened the door, letting go of Grace's hand she walked in, looking out of the window and using her hand to wipe away the dirt, she turned around and sat on the floor, her knees pulled up under her chin, her back against the wall.

"Was this your room?" Grace asked her, she nodded her head in response, Grace walked into the room, and sat on an upturned crate that had been left in the room, "It must have seemed very big to a little girl?"

"It was..." She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts, Boyd sat on a box in the corridor outside her room "On my seventh birthday, the cook made me a cake, it was three weeks after I arrived, some of the older kids made a bit of a fuss of me, they tied a rope to a tree in the garden and made a kind of swing for me, it's still there now."

Grace remembered noticing the rope hanging from a tree, a big knot on the end instead of a seat.

"It was the first day that I can remember feeling happy, just for a short time, and then the world came crashing down around me. I still slept with my back to the door, still frightened of monsters opening the door, that night whilst I lay in bed, a monster did come through the door, from behind, he grabbed me around my waist, putting a hand over my mouth so I couldn't make a noise, he took me out of my room, to another room, there were no windows in that room, and just a horrible smelly mattress on the floor." Jess couldn't bring herself to look at Grace, choosing to keep her eyes fixed firmly on the wall.

"What happened in that room Jess?" Grace asked, gently prying to keep her talking.

"Everything happened in that room."

"What happened that night?"

"He raped me, and then returned me to my bed, bleeding and cold, and unable to comprehend what had just happened, I didn't even have the words in my vocabulary to describe what he'd done. In the morning the girls that bathed me when I wet the bed, bathed me again, this time the water turned red with my blood, they dried me and dressed me, and then one of them said, don't worry, the first times always the worst, it gets easier. But she lied, it never got easier. It was roughly three times a week that I was taken from my bed and raped, from the age of seven, until I left here when I was thirteen."

"Who was it?"

Jess didn't answer Grace's question, she had more she wanted to say, "When I was twelve I remember I started feeling unwell, by then the abuse was just part of life, it wasn't just me, all of us were being abused, boys and girls, some worse than others. But I started to feel unwell, I was being sick in the mornings, I'd only just started my periods, so when I missed one or two, I didn't worry, I had no idea about sex education, or how babies were made, all I knew was what it was like to be raped, over and over again. So I just carried on, then my tummy started to swell, that was when the staff noticed, they hushed it up of course, told me I mustn't tell anyone, as I got bigger, they took me to the room, the one with no windows in it, and they left me in there, they told people I had run away, and they left me in that shitty horrible room, in the dark, I used my nails to scratch things on the wall sometimes, but I couldn't see what I was writing, I still had my night time visits, he continued to abuse me even whilst I was pregnant. I didn't know what would happen, or how the babies got out of my tummy, so when one night I started to get these pains I didn't know what to do, I thought I'd wet myself when my waters broke. I don't know how I got through it, or how I worked out what to do, I screamed and screamed all night long, and they left me, alone. I remember feeling the need to push, I guess some kind of instinct must have kicked in at some point. I gave birth to twins, a boy and a girl, just like James and me, then he came down, the umbilical cords were still attached, I had nothing to cut them with, he did that, he had a bucket of water with him, I thought it was to clean up, there was blood everywhere, he picked the babies up one at a time, and placed them head first in the bucket, holding them under until they stopped moving, I couldn't stop him, I was in so much pain I couldn't move, then he took them, and I think he buried them in the garden, I didn't see him bury them, but I could hear the shovel digging."

Grace sat with tears flowing down her face, "What happened after the birth, god how did you survive?"

"The whole house had heard me screaming that night, and the next morning, two of the girls came and found me, I was in a bad state, they had one of the boys carry me to the bathroom, they lowered me into the bath and gently washed me, then they put me into some pyjamas and into bed, none of them said anything, we were all to afraid, it was less than a week later the next time my bedroom door opened in the middle of the night, I think that time hurt more than it did the first time, I've never felt pain like it."

"Who was he Jess?"

"Mr Vincent, the manager, all of the staff were abusing the residents, they all had preferences, but I was his, no one else was allowed to touch me."

In the corridor outside the room Boyd was still sat on the box, tears threatening to fall from his eyes, but typical Boyd, he kept his emotions in check, he stood up and walked into the room he leant down so that he was eye level with Jess, "Help us put him away Jess, give us a statement and I promise you with the DNA evidence we have I'll put that bastard away for the rest of his natural."

"Will I have to give evidence in a court?"

"I don't know, I can't answer that question, no one can force you to, but it maybe helpful in securing a conviction for a jury to hear what we've just heard."

"I don't know if I can face him, or tell all that in court, in front of people, I've never told anyone before, just because I've done it once doesn't mean I can do it again."

"We'll support you, Grace and I, every step of the way we'll be with you, holding your hand, drying your tears, we'll make sure you know what to expect in the witness box, if, and I mean if it comes to that, and we won't let anyone hurt you, I give you my word."

Jess sighed deeply before answering "I'll do it."

"Let's go home." Grace said, offering her hand to help Jess off the floor.

"I am home, it's the only one I ever really had for any length of time." Jess replied

"This isn't your home, you deserve better than this, then and now, no one can change the past, but we can get you the right help now, you're young, and you have your whole life ahead of you."

Jess took Grace's hand and stood up, keeping her hand in Grace's as they walked out of the room.

As they got back to the entrance hall, Jess stood and looked at the cupboard beneath the stairs, "You don't need to do that Jess." Grace said to her.

"I do Grace, I need to kill the monsters."

"It's too much, too soon."

"Shame to waste the opportunity, don't you think. Come with me Grace, please?"

"We'll all go." Boyd said and opened the door "After you Jess."

Jess walked slowly into the darkened cupboard, to the end where the secluded door was, the bolt still in place on the outside, she pulled her hand out of Grace's and unlocked the door, the room was dark, cold and damp, just as it had always been.

"The light's are still hooked up, hang on." Boyd said, flicking a switch on one of the spot lights that Frankie had put there whilst she worked, light filled the room causing them all to blink to accustom their eyes.

"I've never seen it in the light." Jess replied, looking round the room, she looked at the side of the wall where she had scratched some words, she bent down and ran her hand over the words, Grace bent down beside her.

"Who's Rudi Jess?"

"Me, it was a nickname the other kids made up from my surname, everyone had nicknames, it was one of those things that somebody started, nobody could remember who, but it became a tradition."

"And this?" grace ran her hand over the partially written Lords prayer and cross on the wall.

"I thought that it was like blessing them, so they would go to heaven, but I couldn't remember it all." Jess stood up again, "I'm ready to leave now."


	16. Make You Feel My Love

Hi all, thanks for continuing to read, doesn't seem to be much updating at the moment, I guess everyone is on holiday, lucky them, I'm getting a new laptop instead of a holiday lol. As always hope you enjoy this installment, and please, please leave your comments and reviews.

**Chapter 16 – Make You feel My Love**

The three of them left the house and got back in Boyd's car.

"Jess I don't think you should be alone tonight, is there anyone you can stay with?" Grace asked her

"I'll be fine Grace."

"Then come back to mine, at least for a little while."

Jess agreed to go back to Grace's house with them, she sat on Grace's sofa, whilst Boyd went to put the kettle on, Grace hung up her coat and then joined Jess in her lounge, "How do you feel?"

"I don't know, I think all I feel is tired."

"You're probably exhausted, it's been a long day, well, a long and stressful couple of days for you, but it may hit you harder in the next few days, it's okay to cry, or shout, or scream or hit something, preferably Boyd rather than me."

"I don't. Want to, I mean."

"That's okay too" Grace said with a smile, Grace left her for a minute, going upstairs, she returned with a pillow and blanket, putting the pillow on the sofa, "here you go, take your shoes off and make yourself comfortable."

"Grace you don't have to do this, I've been living with this all my life, it's not new for me."

Grace put a hand on her face, her thumb gently stroking her cheek "Maybe I want to, you don't have to be alone any more Jess, it's okay to lean on other people for support, it's a lot better than hurting yourself." she said pointing at her bandaged hand as she spoke

"I'm sorry about that, about this" this time she pointed to her hand "I would never have hurt you, you know that don't you, today in the toilets, I wasn't angry with you and I don't want you to be afraid of me."

"I'm not afraid of you and I never for one minute thought you would hurt me, I just wanted to stop you hurting yourself."

"I think I should just go home Grace."

"Why be on your own, when you can stay here and be with other people, even if one of them is Boyd" she smiled at her Boyd bashing insult.

"Grace, you and Boyd have been great today, and the last couple of days, and I think you're really lovely, but eventually I get to go back to being on my own, in my own little room, it just hurts less not to get attached than to be abandoned when other people resume their normal lives, I've never had a family, and it really is easier not to know what I've missed out on, than to have a glimpse of something that's only gonna be snatched away again."

"I'm not going to abandon you."

"You will Grace, everyone does." Jess made it sound light hearted, as though it didn't matter to her.

Grace took Jess's face in her hands, "You listen to me, for as long as you want me in your life I will be in it, do you understand?"

"Why?"

"I don't know, okay, because you're vulnerable and gentle, and defenceless, because everyone needs to know what it feels like to be loved and taken care of, because you're almost the same age as my daughter would have been, and if she was alive and needed help, and I wasn't around, I hope to god someone would offer her what I'm trying to offer you, now could you try and make it just a little bit easier for me to help you."

Jess nodded her head at Grace, she took her trainers off and curled up on the sofa, Grace put the blanket over her and sat with her for a while, eventually she just drifted off to sleep, Grace then went through to her kitchen, Boyd was sat at the table drinking a coffee, "I didn't want to interrupt you."

"It's okay." she replied, picking up the coffee he had made for her.

"How's she doing."

"She's exhausted, she's asleep on the sofa."

"You look pretty close to that yourself."

"This day seems to have gone on forever, I just want to cry, but I feel so ashamed, she's not crying so what right do I have."

Boyd put his hand on her back and moved it in gentle circles trying to comfort her.

"I don't know how she survived Peter, the physical trauma of being raped when she was seven, and then the birth, I just don't know how she got through it, god when I think of being in labour with Emma it was awful, and I was in a hospital with a midwife, a doctor, and lots of pain relief, she was twelve years old and in a dark room alone, and after all that he takes her babies, drowns them, and buries them in the garden."

"It's unbelievable isn't it, but I meant what I said Grace, I'm gonna find that bastard and make sure he never sees the outside of the nonce wing, him and every other one that I can get, they'll pay for this."

"It won't give her back her childhood though will it, won't make her life any more bearable."

"There's nothing I can do that will achieve that, I can only try and give her some justice."

"I know, I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to belittle what you're doing, I just don't know what the future holds for her."

"Well sadly she's too old for adoption, so all you can do is stand by her, everything you have done over the last couple of days, get her a therapist to help her work through the psychological scars."

"Not much is it."

"No."

Grace drank her coffee down and sat rubbing her forehead "Are you staying over tonight?" she asked him.

"Do you want me to?"

"Do you want to?"

"Yeah of course."

"I thought you'd changed your mind already."

"No, I just don't want to appear pushy."

"It didn't bother you yesterday when you carried me upstairs."

Boyd smiled as he remembered the previous night.

"Stop it Peter."

"I didn't do anything."

"You were smiling again. Do you mind keeping an eye on Jess whilst I go and have a bath."

"Nope, do you want me to bring you up a glass of wine?"

"That would be very nice."

Grace walked back through her lounge, stopping to check on Jess, who was sleeping peacefully on her sofa. Upstairs she ran herself a bath and relaxed back into it, the stress of the day telling on her shoulders, a gentle knock on the door brought her out of her thoughts.

"It's me." he said quietly.

"It's not locked." she replied to him.

He opened the door and stepped inside handing her a glass of wine, he knelt down by the bath for a moment, kissing her softly, "Do you want me to wash your back?" he said with a smile.

"I think I can manage."

"You sure." he replied, he moved around to the end of the bath and began to massage her shoulders, "Wow you are really tense." he said, his thumbs trying to unravel the knots of tension, he moved his mouth to the nape of her neck, and started placing tiny feather-light kisses on her skin.

"Peter that feels amazing, but we both know where it will lead, and we can't because Jess is downstairs."

"I'm going, enjoy the bath." he kissed her again and then left her to her bath, returning downstairs, pouring himself a glass of wine and sitting watch over Jess, it amazed him how soundly she slept, almost as if it was the first time she'd slept in ages, Grace had re appeared from her bath long before Jess woke up.

She stretched and rubbed her eyes, yawning and then grimacing as her hand began to throb.

"You back with us then?" Grace asked her.

"mm, have I been asleep long?"

"About four hours."

"Bloody hell, are you serious?"

"Yep, you okay?" Grace noticed her grimace and hold her hand.

"My hand is throbbing a bit."

Grace walked to the kitchen and returned with a glass of water and two pain killers, "Here these should help, they're the pain killers the hospital gave you."

She sat up and gulped the pain killers back with the drink, "Where's Boyd?" she asked noticing he wasn't around, Grace smiled at the fact that she kept referring to him as Boyd, just like the team did.

"He's popped back to his house to pick up some stuff, can I get you something to eat, you haven't eaten all day."

"No it's okay, I should make a move home."

"Or you could stay in the warm, and stay here tonight, I have a spare room upstairs." Grace noticed a small frown on Jess's face at her suggestion, "Is that a problem?"

"No, well, staying is okay, but not in your spare room, it takes me ages to be able to get used to a room I've not stayed in before, I would just lay awake all night."

"That's okay, would you rather stay on the sofa?"

"Is that a problem?"

"No, as long as you are comfortable, keep the TV on all night if it makes it easier."

"Thanks Grace."

"I'll find you out something of mine to sleep in. So how about something to eat, what do you like?"

"I don't mind, at the hostel I live on toast, I have a toaster in my room, it saves me going to the kitchen. Have you eaten yet?"

"Not yet, I was waiting for Peter to get back, do you want to eat with us?"

"Yeah that's fine."

"Do you need to let the hostel know that you wont be back tonight?"

"No, only if it's going to be longer than a week, otherwise they give your room to someone else."

"And do you need to take any medication?"

"I can take it in the morning, it won't make much difference."

"Are you taking it properly now?"

Jess shook her head, "I've stopped taking the anti-convulsants and the anti-depressants."

"Jess you're going to make yourself poorly, you need to see a Dr and get some proper advice, they can change your medication accordingly."

"I know, but I don't know what I'm going to do, and I'm frightened that once I tell the Dr it will all be taken out of my hands."

"How do you feel about having a baby?"

"They won't let me keep it, and I don't think I could look after it anyway, I'm not even sure I want to, but I can't face having an abortion."

"Are you registered with a local GP?"

"Yeah."

"What if you make an appointment and I come with you, I won't be offended if you don't want me interfering."

"Interfering! Grace your only the second person that's taken an interest in my life without an ulterior motive, I get worried about becoming to dependant on you, that's how it was with Lisa, in prison, I crowded her, couldn't function without her, then when she was released I fell apart, it was a horrible feeling, it was worse than never having anyone."

"But we've established that I am not going to abandon you, so how about the Dr's?"

"Okay, I'll make an appointment tomorrow."

Grace switched the TV on for her and gave her the remote control, once Boyd had returned she made omelettes and salad to eat, the three of them then just sat and watched TV together, Jess felt completely comfortable in their company, relaxing with them. Grace gave her a baggy T-shirt to sleep in, and swapped the blanket she gave her earlier for a duvet, Peter went on to bed whilst Grace made sure Jess was settled. Jess snuggled under the duvet, the TV still switched on, Grace perched herself on the edge of the sofa for a moment.

"Is their anything else you need?"

"No I'm fine thanks."

"Well make yourself at home, you know where the kitchen is if you want anything to eat or drink." Jess nodded in agreement to her, "I'll leave you to it then, night."

Jess sat up momentarily, she lent forward and kissed Grace softly on the cheek, "Night Grace."


	17. Virtual Insanity

**Here's the next instalment, hope you're still enjoying, as always your comments and reviews are gratfully received.****  
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Grace walked up the stairs of her home and into her bedroom, Peter had made himself completely at home, his clothes for the following day hanging on the front of her wardrobe, and his toiletries in her bathroom. He was sat in bed, watching the flat screen TV that hung on the wall of Grace's bedroom, the football results show was on and he was watching that. He slept in just his boxer shorts, Grace liked it that way, she liked the feel of his ever so slightly hairy chest against her skin. He smiled at her as she entered the room.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah she seems fine" Grace changed into her pyjamas and climbed into bed next to him laying on her side facing him, "Does this feel weird to you, or is it just me?"

"What?"

"Us, sharing a bed again."

"I wouldn't call it weird."

"What would you call it?"

"Amazing, bloody wonderful, fantastic, are you not happy, is it all a bit too much too soon?"

"No no no, I mean yes I am happy, and no it's not too much too soon, it's just a stark contrast to what life has been like, but I do want this."

"Good so do I." he turned off the lamp beside the bed and laid down on his side facing her, the TV still playing in the background, he lent forward and kissed her softly, "Do you want a cuddle?"

"Mm, that would be lovely."

He rolled onto his back so he could still watch the TV whilst Grace lay in his arms, her head resting on his chest, she was fast asleep in no time, he finished watching the TV programme, before turning it off, keeping his arms around her as they slept.

Grace was awake before the alarm in the morning, Peter was still fast asleep, she climbed out of bed gently, so as not to wake him, and headed downstairs to check if Jess was okay, to her surprise Jess was still fast asleep, the TV still playing quietly in the background. Grace smiled as she looked at her and saw she was sucking her thumb. She left her to sleep and headed to the kitchen, making tea for her and Peter, she then headed back up stairs and into her bedroom, she placed her cup of tea on the bedside table, the noise of the cup causing Peter to stir from his slumber.

"Tea?" she said as he looked up at her.

"Mm, thank you." he sat up in bed and took the cup from her, "how long have you been up?"

"Long enough to make these, and check if Jess was okay."

"And is she?"

"She's still fast asleep, sucking her thumb like a child."

"In lots of ways she is still a child isn't she?"

"Yeah she is, what would you think if I was to ask her to stay here for a while?"

"I'd think you were suffering from temporary insanity."

"Why?"

"Because you've only known her three days, we have no idea how she'll behave with everything she's going to have to go through, Grace I know you want to look after her, but you can't get that involved."

"She's a victim not a criminal."

"Uh, do I need to remind you that she hasn't long been out of prison for GBH."

"Something she did whilst suffering a psychotic episode, she wasn't in her right mind."

"And what happens if she has another episode whilst she's here with you?"

"I don't believe she will."

"You don't believe she will, that's the best you can say, this is ludicrous."

"The psychotic episodes are most likely caused by the childhood trauma, if she is able to talk about these things and work through them, and she is in an environment where she feels safe and cared for, then there is no reason for them to happen."

"Grace you'll be alone with her, it isn't safe."

"So move in with me."

"What?"

"You move in too, we can take care of her for as long as she needs us, and this way you'll know I'm safe because you'll be here too."

"You're serious aren't you?"

"Deadly."

"You can't make all these decision's like this Grace, you need to think about these things."

"Are you saying you don't want to move in with me?"

"Weren't you the one who said you wanted to take things slowly?"

"Yes I did, but in all seriousness what's the bloody point in taking things slowly at our age, Peter I need to do this, I can't explain why, but I need to do this, and I need your support."

"I'm not going to change your mind am I?"

"No, but you could help me."

"Okay."

"You mean it."

"Of course I do, I'm not going to pretend I think it's a good idea, I think it's virtually insane, but I love you, and if you need me, then I'm here for you."

"Thank you, ooh I love you."she replied leaning up and kissing him.


	18. Making Changes

The next chapter, hope you are still following, as always your thoughts are very welcome.

**Chapter 18 – Making Changes**

Grace's kiss turned more passionate, and they ended up making love, trying not to make too much noise, or take too long and make themselves late for work.

Grace was showered and dressed first and back downstairs, this time Jess was awake, laying on the sofa watching TV, "How did you sleep?"

"Surprisingly well actually."

"So you felt comfortable?"

"Yeah the sofa is lovely and comfy."

"I meant you felt comfortable being here?"

"Yeah, it was great, I know there are other people in the hostel, but nobody really talks or takes any notice of you, and once you close the door to your room, that's it till the next day."

"Peter and I have been talking, and he's going to be moving in with me, and we also want you to move in here, for as long or as little time as you would like."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, no pressure, you can have the spare room as a room of your own, but by all means sleep on the sofa, if it would make things easier for you."

"What about the fact that I'm pregnant?"

"We'll deal with that when we need to, so what do you think, do you want to take some time to make your mind up?"

"I don't need to, I'd love to Grace, thank you."

"You're welcome, do you want a tea or a coffee?" Grace asked her as she walked to the kitchen.

"Tea, weak with two sugars please." Grace returned with Jess's tea and a cup for her self, and sat in the arm chair waiting for Boyd to get ready for work.

"So what are you doing today?"

"Well, I'm gonna make a Dr's appointment for me, I need to go back to the hostel and get some clean clothes."

"When do you want to move in, and how much stuff do you have to move?"

"Whenever suits you."

"This evening okay?" Grace said with a smile "We can get Peter to move your stuff in his car."

"Yeah okay, Grace are you sure about this, don't feel like you have to."

"I don't feel like I have to, I feel like I want to."

"Brilliant, I don't have much to move, just some clothes, and a small TV, everything else belongs to the hostel."

"That won't take long then."

o0o

Boyd and Grace saw Jess was okay before they left for work, they took her back to the hostel so she could grab her medication and she decided to remain there and sort out her belongings, she agreed to stop by the CCHQ later to sort out her statement, something she wasn't looking forward to.

In the morning briefing Frankie told them what they already knew, that DNA had shown that Jess was the mother of the twins, they told the team the information Jess had given them, and Boyd informed them that they would be arresting Thomas Vincent today, they had his address, Boyd, Spencer and Mel all went in the car to bring him in.

They didn't know what he looked like ten years ago, but now he looked like any other old man, nothing made him stand out, and he certainly didn't look like the sort of man you would suspect of being a paedophile, he let them into his home, and they informed him that they had a warrant to search the premises, Frankie was on her way to check out any computer equipment he may have.

"Thomas Vincent I am arresting you on suspicion of rape and murder" Boyd got Spencer to arrest him and read him his rights, before they took him back to be interviewed, leaving Frankie and her team to search the premises and seize anything necessary.

In the office he was put in the interview room, and left to stew, Grace walked into the observation area and sat looking at him, Boyd had asked her to carry out the interview with him, and she knew she had to be professional, but this man was a sick monster, and she was dreading doing this, for once she was hoping Boyd would get violent with him.

As they sat down in the interview room, Boyd switched on the tape recorder, "Interview with Mr Thomas Vincent, present are Detective Superintendent Boyd and Dr Foley." he stated the date and time, "Mr Vincent we'd like to ask you about the time you spent as manager of Leighton Hall Children's home, we'd specifically like to ask you about the period of time seven years prior to the home closing up to when it closed."

"I want to know what the hell all this is about?"

"A few days ago we discovered the body of two new born babies in the garden of Leighton Hall, what do you know about that?"

"Nothing."

"Do you remember a young girl by the name of Jessica Rudman?"

"She was a resident."

"She lived there from the age of seven to thirteen."

"If you say so, I retired from social services ten years ago, I don't remember all this."

"Really? Jessica had a pretty unforgettable childhood, not sure anyone would forget her."

"How did you get a long with Jessica?"

"She was in my care, the same as all the others."

Just then there was a knock at the door, Boyd called come in, and Frankie came in with a forensic case, "Mr Vincent we need a DNA sample for testing, it's just a mouth swab, it doesn't hurt."

Vincent pulled back from them, "You're not getting anything from me."

"You are under arrest Mr Vincent it isn't optional."

Vincent stood up and walked away from the table, Boyd stood up and walked round behind him, he grabbed his arm and pushed it up his back, hearing him groan with pain, "As I said it isn't a request, it's a requirement." Vincent opened his mouth and allowed Frankie to take the swab whilst Boyd had him in an arm lock, when she finished, Boyd released his arm, "Sit down Mr Vincent." he remained standing, "SIT DOWN!" he bellowed at him, he did as he was told.

"Now lets talk some more about Jessica."

"I've told you I don't remember anything else about her."

"Really, she remembers you, she remembers how you raped her on her seventh birthday, and how you continued to rape her until that hell hole closed down, does that help your memory at all?" Vincent remained silent, "She also claims that you got her pregnant when she was twelve, and kept her prisoner in the basement of Leighton Hall for the last two months of that pregnancy, and that when she gave birth you drowned both of the newborn twins, and disposed of the bodies by burying them in the garden, does that bring back any memories Mr Vincent?"

"I want a solicitor, I refuse to carry on with this interview until I have a solicitor."

"Okay Mr Vincent, we'll get you a solicitor. Interview suspended" Boyd turned off the tape, and stood to walk out of the room, as he did so Vincent smiled at him.

"You can't prove anything."

"Really, we have the remains of the babies you buried, we can prove the parentage with the help of DNA, we know that Jessica was the mother, won't take long to prove you are the father."

"All that proves is that I slept with the little scrubber, they were at it with every one, they had the morals of alley cats."

Boyd's face turned to thunder and he launched himself at Vincent, pinning him to the wall, "You piece of shit!"

"Spence." Grace called, knowing she stood no chance of pulling Boyd off Vincent, and knowing Spence was watching the interview. "Spence." the door opened and Spence burst in.

Boyd continued to pin Vincent to the wall, "She was seven years old you bastard, a little girl."

"She was trash, rubbish that no one wanted."

"What right did that give you to destroy her life."

Spence had his hand on Boyd's shoulder, "He's not worth it Boss." he said trying to prise him away.

"Stay out of it Spence, he's scum, he deserves to die a slow and painful death."

"Yeah he does, I agree with everything you say, but the only way we can get him is with justice, put him down." Boyd released his grip on him and turned to walk away, when Vincent spoke again.

"They were the scum, not me, she wanted it, she was gagging for it" Boyd turned too quickly for Spence and punched Vincent in the face, "I'll have your fucking job for that."

"Oh you slipped, let me help you up." Boyd said, and as he helped Vincent to his feet, he put a hand on his balls and grabbed them as hard as he could, he had a vice like grip on them, Vincent was unable to speak through the pain, "I should rip them off you fucking animal."

Spence managed to separate Boyd from the prisoner, "Walk away Boyd, no one saw anything, but if you persist we will, if you get my meaning."

Boyd looked at his younger DI, "Put him an a cell Spence, so he doesn't trip again, I need to wash my hands."

Back in Boyd's office Grace waited for him to return from the bathroom, as he walked in she went to speak but he beat her to it "Before you start, I'm sorry, I lost it okay, hearing him describe a seven year old girl as a scrubber, who asked to be raped, I just lost it."

"I wasn't going to start, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

He made his way to his desk chair, and sat down with a large sigh, Grace moved from her seat and perched on the edge of his desk next to where he was sat, "Sorry" he said, looking at her and rubbing his eyes with his hand.

"It's okay, part of me wanted to see you knock his block off, but the rest of me knows it's wrong, we need to get him behind bars, for Jess." just then there was a knock on his office door.

It was Spence, "You okay boss?" he asked.

"Yes, thanks Spence, and I'm sorry for putting you both in that position."

"It's okay, we all feel the same, would you like Mel and me to resume the interview when his brief turns up?"

"Yeah, might be a good idea."

"No problem, oh and Jessica Rudman is waiting in reception."

"Great, thanks Spence."

Grace went and collected Jess from the seated area by the coffee machine that they referred to as reception, and showed her into Boyd's office, she took a seat, not on the sofa but on a desk chair opposite Boyd, who spoke to her first. "Just so you know, Thomas Vincent is here." He saw a look of horror on Jess's face and she stood up to leave, she was panicking, her breathing erratic.

Grace stood in front of her, "He's in a cell, he can't get to you, you won't see him, you're safe Jess, it's okay."

"No, I need to go, I can't be here, he'll find me Grace, he'll get me and he'll lock me in the basement again."

Grace took her in her arms and held her tightly "It's okay, no ones going to hurt you." She started to calm down in Grace's arms, Grace gently rubbed her back to soothe her, and she felt Jess put her arms around her in return and hold onto her, Grace continued to talk to her, "Just take big deep breaths, it's all okay, no one can get to you."

Boyd looked on as Grace calmed down the young woman in his office, after a while he stood and walked over to them, he put his hand on the back of Jess's head, and she pulled away from Grace to look at him, "Jess, do you still feel up to giving your statement today?" She thought about it for a moment, "It's okay if you don't, we can reschedule."

"I'll do it today, get it over with."

Boyd smiled at her, his hand still affectionately on the back of her head, "Good girl, I'm going to get Mel to take the statement, it will all be recorded, so you just need to talk like you did yesterday."

"Will you stay with me Grace?" She asked, looking at the woman who's arms where still around her.

"If that's what you want."

"Yeah it is."

Jess gave her statement to Mel in the presence of Grace, as Boyd and Spence listened from the observation room, it was as hard to listen to this time as it was the first time, Boyd wondered how it must feel for Jess, but she got through it. Later that afternoon, Thomas Vincent's solicitor turned up, and Mel and Spence continued to interview him, he had spoken to his solicitor, who had obviously told him that a court would look favourably upon him if he pleaded guilty and did not put Jess through the ordeal of giving evidence, that and the fact that the DNA evidence they had would convict him anyway. During the second interview, he made a full confession.

The team were over the moon, Jess had gone back to the hostel as Boyd and Grace were picking her up later, but they would tell her tonight that she would not be required to give evidence. It was the end of a busy day, and the team gathered in the bullpen, Boyd had bought a couple of bottles of wine, so they could raise a glass to a harrowing case, there was still the other staff at the home to pursue, and pursue them they would, but for tonight, they'd had a good result.

"Okay guys I'd just like to say a couple of things, firstly I'd like to say well done, abuse cases are always harrowing, but we solved part of this in record time, I know we still have a lot of work to do, but the difficult part is done, secondly I'd like to let you all know that Dr Foley and myself." he walked over to Grace and put his arm around her "We're moving in together."

"No way." Spence said "What as in?" he finished that sentence by just nodding his head back and forward at the two of them.

"Yes Spence, we're in a relationship, again." he added the last bit on.

"What do you mean again?" Frankie asked.

Grace took over the story "We never told you, but Boyd and I knew each other a long time ago, twenty six years ago to be exact, we were together for about eighteen months, and then we never saw each other again until we started working together in this team, but we have recently become involved again."

"So why did you split up?" It was Frankie asking again, her curiosity getting the better of her.

"That's quite a long story." Boyd replied.

"I'm not in a hurry." she replied.

"Frankie, maybe it's personal." Mel replied for them.

"We had a baby." Grace started the story, "We had a little girl together, Emma, she was a victim of cot death when she was two months old, and it just pushed us apart, no one to blame, just one of those things."

The three of them stood there in silence, before Frankie again spoke, "Grace I'm so sorry, I was just being nosey, I never meant to pry into something like that."

"Frankie it's okay, honest, it was a very long time ago, we just never told anyone, because it never concerned anyone else, we weren't together, now we are." Grace smiled at Boyd as she spoke, "And we are very happy."

The room fell silent again, "Thirdly, and finally, Jess Rudman, is going to come and stay with us for the foreseeable future."

"You're kidding." Mel replied.

"Nope, she needs help, and she's formed a bond with Grace, so it seems like the right thing to do."

TBC


	19. Choices

Hi All, this is the next chapter, I am having difficulty writing at the moment, can't get my head together, fortunately this one is already written. Please leave your comments reviews.

**Chapter 19 – Choices**

As the rest of the team dispersed and went home for the evening, just Boyd and Grace remained, sitting in his office, Grace still had a glass of wine, but Boyd had only had the one as he was driving. It was 7pm, and they were picking up Jess from the hostel at 8pm, they decided to kill time at the office and then pick her up when they left for the evening, Grace as she always did, sat on Boyd's desk whilst he sat on his executive office chair, some soft motown music playing on the stereo in his office, as had been usual in the last week they were flirting shamelessly with each other, all of a sudden Boyd stood in front of where she was sitting, he put his hands on her waist, "Give us a kiss then" he said before leaning forward and kissing her tenderly, she willingly reciprocated, her eyes fluttered shut as she leaned into him, her hands rising and slipping around his neck, his hands pushed her cardigan off her shoulders.

"Oy! pack it in."

"What?" he said with a hint of laughter in his voice.

"You know what? we can't, not in here."

"Do you want to go to your office instead?"

"No, I want to wait until we're at home."

"There's no one here but us." He replied, kissing her neck between each word, his mouth moving along her shoulder.

"I know, but that's not the point, we can't."

"Yes we can." he said with a smile on his face, his lips returning to hers, and kissing her deeply again, his tongue dipping in and out of her mouth as he did so.

Her hands moved to his waist, and around his back. She gently tugged at his shirt until it was no longer tucked into his trousers, her hands moved inside it and gently began to stroke the skin on his back, one of her hands then moved to the front of his shirt and unbuttoned it, before moving her mouth to his chest, her tongue flicking around and over his nipple, causing a fire within him as she did so, he let out a deep groan, "Oh god that feels amazing"

As she sat up and returned her kiss to his mouth, he used his hands to unbutton her top, he then undid her trousers and pulled her to the edge of the desk so that their bodies were touching, the feel of her soft skin against his causing him to harden, the confines of his trousers restricting him, Grace could feel his arousal pressing against her thigh, he slipped his hand in-between their bodies and unbuckled his belt, he was just about to undo the button on his trousers when a loud bang came from the bullpen area, and the sound of glass breaking.

"What the bloody hell?" he said as he pulled away from her, doing his belt back up, and trying to pull his shirt around himself, he opened the door to his office and stepped into the bullpen, where Spence was stood at his desk.

"Sorry I didn't know anyone was still here, I left my wallet behind, and then I managed to knock that bloody bottle over. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"You look a little flushed and out of breath, and your shirts all hanging out?"

"Everything's fine, I was just changing, see you later."

"Yeah, see you later" Spencer replied as he walked out, a big grin on his face. "Changing my arse." he said to himself as he walked away.

Boyd returned to Grace and put his arms around her waist, and buried his head into her neck, "My god that was close."

"Yeah I think in future we should wait till we're at home."

"I agree" he replied, he looked at her with a big grin on his face, and then burst into a fit of the giggles.

After re-dressing themselves they left to pick up Jess, in the car Boyd raised the subject of the babies remains.

"Grace we need to talk to Jess about the remains of the babies, they will need to be registered and laid to rest?"

"I know, I've been thinking about that, I'm not sure how to broach the subject with her."

"Do you want me to talk to her?"

"Maybe we should do it together."

"Yeah okay, we'll speak to her tonight over dinner."

Once at the hostel they helped Jess clear out her room, she only had four bags of clothing, some toiletries and a TV, she handed her keys back into them, and gave them a forwarding address.

Back at Grace's house Boyd carried her belongings into Grace's spare room, and then joined the two of them back downstairs, Grace was sat on her sofa, and Jess in a chair, so he sat of the sofa next to Grace, draping his arm around her shoulders as he did so.

"So what do you want to eat?" he asked them both.

"I don't mind, I can cook if you want?" Jess answered.

"Can you cook?" Boyd asked her with a smile.

"Yeah, just the basics though."

"What do you call basics?"

"Easy stuff, I can do pasta, Sausages, Beans on toast."

"That really is basic." Boyd replied with a smile.

"Yeah but you can't really experiment when it's just for one, but now that it's for three, who knows what I'll manage."

"Take away it is then." he said grabbing a menu.

"Jess what have you done about your job?" Grace asked.

"They gave me the week off, said I could start back next week."

"Do you think You'll feel up to that?"

"I don't know really, but I have to go to work."

"Did you get a Dr's appointment?"

"Yeah tomorrow afternoon."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"Yeah, if that's okay, it's at three thirty."

"That'll be fine." Boyd interrupted. "I'll drive you both if you like, we can have a family outing." He continued with a smile on his face.

"Jess there is something we need to talk to you about." Boyd started.

"Okay."

"It's a bit difficult, it's about the remains of the babies, your babies, now that we have finished examining them, they are ready to be claimed." he continued

"Does that means that they can be buried?" Jess asked.

"Yes, they will need to be registered too. Did you name them?"

"No, but I do have names for them."

"What are they? If you don't mind me asking." Grace said.

"Rory for the little boy and Rachel for the little girl, can I see them?"

"Well there is nothing stopping you, but you have to remember that they are just bones now, there is nothing that you can hold, it maybe best to remember them as they were."

"Yeah maybe, my memories aren't clear, it was so dark in that room, I couldn't see them, all I can remember is the sound of them crying, will they bury them in the same coffin?"

"I'm sure it can be arranged."

"I don't want them separated, when you think about it, they have never been apart, inside me for nine months, and then they were, well you know together in the garden, I would want them to stay together, it's like they'll look after each other if they're together."

"Would you like me to make the arrangements for you Jess?" Boyd asked.

She didn't speak, just nodded her head accepting his offer of help, "Do you think they're in heaven? It's just they weren't christened, can you still go to heaven if you're not christened?" she looked like this was something she'd thought about quite a lot.

Grace thought carefully before she spoke "I think that god loves and welcomes us all, Christenings and Baptisms are ways of confirming your faith, I don't think our acceptance into heaven is dependant on such things, so it is my belief that yes, they are in heaven, with James looking after them." Whether it was Grace's belief or not, she needed to make Jess accept and believe what would make her happy, and to think that her babies and her brother were in heaven, with the angels, that they were loved and cherished, not suffering for all eternity.

Jess smiled at Grace, grateful for her comforting words, but she didn't say anything more.

Grace noticed her silence, "What are you thinking about Jess?"

"Nothing." She changed the subject. "Would it be okay if I had a bath?"

"Of course, this is your home now, do what you like, do you need anything?"

"No I have everything I need." Jess left the room to have a bath, leaving Grace and Boyd alone.

"Do you think she'll ever get over all this?"

"I honestly don't know, she has been through so much, she's still young, so with the right kind of therapy she might do okay, be able to carve out some sort of normal life, what ever normal is, she's going to need a lot of therapy though."

TBC


	20. A Different View

This chapter contains descriptions of and reference to self harm, not intended to offend, and something I feel I can write with absolute accuracy. Thankyou for reading.

**Chapter 20 – A Different View**

(Life through Jess's eyes)

Jess stretched and yawned as she woke up, it was still early, Grace and Boyd were still in bed and everything still felt so weird, from a room in a hostel and no one giving a shit, to living in someone's house and people hugging me and telling me their going to support me.

Grace is lovely, well they're both lovely, Boyd is a little more stern, but Grace, she's everything I ever wanted my Mum to be, all those years of living in care, when I think of the times I fantasised about my Mum coming to find me, taking me away from that life, it was Grace, not physically, but her warmth and caring, her understanding, and the way she speaks to me. But I have no idea where this will lead, I'm not a child any more, I'm an adult, and an adult with a criminal record, okay so maybe it wasn't my fault, well not mentally anyway, but it's still a criminal record.

I think Boyd is nervous of me, not for himself, god he'd have me in an arm lock before I was out of my seat, but he's worried for Grace, he doesn't trust me, he's worried I'll turn into some animal and hurt her, but I could never do that. Even in a psychotic state the only people I ever hurt were those that were aggressive to me, those who I felt threatened by, oh I know I can't remember those times, but I know what others have told me, I know what was in the police reports and the psychiatric assessments.

I could never feel threatened by Grace, I don't even feel threatened by Boyd, at first he seemed a little aggressive in his questioning techniques, but then he changed, now he feels like a paternal figure, I even let him hold me when I'd cut my hand. It feels weird when people hug me, I don't know how to react, I don't know whether to hold them back or just stand there, I don't remember anyone hugging me before Lisa, I hated it at first, but then when I got used to it, when I let her hold me instead of pulling away, I loved it, at night we laid in the spoon position, it felt so comforting to know she was behind me, that no one could grab me, no monsters could get me.

I missed Lisa, still do in a way, but life goes on, she had kids, she didn't need a head case like me hanging around her, no matter what she said. I guess moving on is what I find the most difficult, my life has been standing still for so long, stuck in the same rut, never able to get past this huge thing that has been such a big part of who I am, the thing that has made me what I am, the abandonment, the abuse, giving birth, the epilepsy, the self harm and the suicide attempts, they are what makes me, me!

I don't know how else to behave, and all the affection in the world can't make me stop feeling that way, stop me feeling the need to pick up a razor blade and slice open my skin, to see that red stuff flowing down my arms, or legs, to see the way it eventually dries against my skin, it's almost an addiction, but it isn't a high I get from it, it's a temporary feeling! A feeling of being on a par with everyone else, a feeling that I'm not sub standard. A feeling that stops the pain that exists inside me, stops the images flashing through my mind, a feeling that if only for a short time, I am normal, I am not a freak, that I did not let it happen to me, that I am not to blame, but then it stops, I run out of space to cut or it bleeds too much and I need help, and then it all comes back, flowing into my mind faster than the blood that flows on my skin, I am to blame, it's all my fault.

Oh little metal blade, take away my pain, not for a moment or a while, not for a short time, but for a life time.

TBC

Thankyou for reading.


	21. Bleeding Love

Thanks for reading and reviewing, hope you're enjoying it still.

**Chapter 21 – Bleeding Love**

Grace walked down the stairs of her home and into the lounge that lead through to her kitchen, she'd just woken up, and as always the first thought that entered her mind was a cup of tea, as she walked through the lounge she could see that Jess was awake, sat up on the sofa.

"Morning Jess, did you sleep okay?" Grace got no reply, "Jess you okay?" As she stepped towards her she could see she was awake, but in a dream, then she looked down, and saw the blood, it was pooling in Jess's lap, her first thought was that she had suffered a miscarriage, but then she noticed Jess's arm, the hand that she'd hurt the other day was still bandaged, but the other one was sliced open several times over, for a moment, just a moment, Grace was unable to respond, she stood unable to react, she knew Jess self harmed, but to see her in this state was such a shock, the wounds were so big and so deep, then she kicked into action.

"Jess sweetheart, what have you done?" she said without realising what a stupid question it was, her voice tinged with emotion, "Boyd, Boyd!" She shouted at the top of her voice to attract the attention of her lover who was still laying in bed, the use of his surname intended to make him aware of the urgency

He ran down the stairs having quickly pulled on some tracksuit bottoms, "What's wrong?"

"Jess has hurt herself, I need a help."

Like Grace, he too stood in shock for a moment staring at the injuries to Jess's arm, after a few seconds he came back to reality, the first thing he did was to remove the razor blade that Jess was still holding, "Jess, Jess." He said clicking his fingers in front of her face to wake her from the dissociative state that she was in. She started to respond to him.

"I'm sorry." Were the only words she said.

"It's okay, everything's gonna be okay." Grace said putting her hand on Jess's face, "Peter there's a first aid kit in the kitchen." Grace donned a pair of rubber gloves and started to try and clean up the wounds, "Jess this is going to need stitches."

"No, it'll be okay, I just need to bandage it" Jess pulled her arm away from Grace, and attempted to dress it herself, something she had clearly done many times before, "I can't go to hospital."

"Why not?" Grace asked her

"They'll section me again, I don't want to go into that place again."

"Maybe it's for the best."

"You want me to leave don't you, I'll get my stuff, but I don't want to be sectioned again."

"No I don't want you to leave, and anyway it may not come to that, it's self harm, not a suicide attempt, they'll probably just stitch you up and make you speak to a psychiatrist, and then you'll be able to come home, but it needs stitches, it's bleeding heavily."

Jess grabbed hold of Grace's hand and looked her in the eyes "Promise me Grace, promise me I can come home."

Grace looked at Peter, she didn't want to make a promise she might not be able to keep, but she also wanted to get her to hospital, Peter nodded his head to her, indicating that she should promise her, "I promise okay, now will you let us take you to the hospital?"

Jess nodded her head in response, Peter and Grace took it in turns to sit with her whilst the other went and got dressed, afraid she may harm herself again if they left her alone, once they were ready they helped her get dressed, Grace put a temporary bandage on her arm to stop it dripping. As she was dressing Jess she noticed the scars on other parts of her body, her legs and stomach, even her breasts were scarred from self inflicted injury. "Okay we're gonna go to the hospital now" Jess nodded at her and they got her to the car.

In the hospital Peter again sat in the waiting room whilst Grace stayed with Jess, the nursing staff questioned her about her hand and the close proximity of her visits to A&E, but Grace managed to convince them that she was taking care of Jess and that, as she was a psychologist she knew what was best for her, and what was best for her was to be at home, she wasn't sure she believed it herself, but she said it anyway.

Jess was seeing her GP in the afternoon, and she was going with her, so it might be easier to get some help from someone who new her and her situation rather than a stranger.

Jess was stitched up and back home within an hour and half, and Peter left her and Grace alone whilst he went to have a shower.

Grace sat on her sofa next to Jess who was probably the quietest she had been since she'd been staying with them.

"Can you tell me why you did it Jess?" Grace asked her gently.

"I don't know." she said shrugging her shoulders.

"Something must have triggered it."

"I can't explain it."

"Please Jess, I need you to try and explain it to me, otherwise I can't help you, I need to understand so I can help." Grace rubbed her hand gently on Jess's back, "You seemed fine last night, was it talking about the babies?"

"It's just a feeling, a need, it's the only thing that helps."

"What were you thinking of when you felt that way?" Jess again shrugged her shoulders, "I know you've spent a life time not talking about this, but you need to start talking about how you feel, I know what you've been through, I won't ever say that I know how you feel because I don't, I grew up in a loving environment in an average family that was no different to most others around me, so I have no idea how it feels to be you, I want you to make me understand how that feels, you said you wanted me to help you, so I'm offering you my help, but I can't help if you won't talk."

"I'm sorry Grace."

"Why do you keep saying sorry?"

"For all this, you didn't ask for all this shit."

"Neither did you, Jess you do realise that this isn't your fault don't you?"

"Yeah of course."

"It's not your fault Jess."

"I know Grace."

"But do you believe it?"

"Yeah."

"Do you, because none of this is down to you, babies don't ask to be born addicted to heroin, or abandoned, and seven year old girls don't ask to be raped and abused."

Jess looked away as she said the words "Yeah I know."

"So look at me and tell me it wasn't your fault."

Jess looked at her, her eyes refusing to settle on her, looking every where around the room except at the woman sat opposite her, her face was angry "I don't want to talk about this any more." She stood to walk away, just as she always did.

"Why are you walking away?" Grace grabbed her hand, careful not to touch her bandaged arms, just keeping hold of her hand "Why are you walking away?" Jess struggled to try and get away from Grace, but was unable to do so, "Why do you keep walking away Jess?" Grace's voice was more forceful this time.

"Because it hurts too much, okay, it fucking hurts too much, all of it hurts too much, I let him do this to me, just like I let him kill those babies, I let all of it happen, and it fucking hurts inside me all the time, it hurts so much that cutting myself is the only thing that stops it from hurting, it's the only way I can stop the pain." Jess shouted her reply, causing Peter to come down the stairs "It was my fault, it was all my fault." Jess broke down as she said the last sentence.

"It was never your fault." Grace pulled her into her arms and held her as she sobbed uncontrollably, "It's okay sweetheart." Grace said whilst rubbing her back, trying to gently sooth her, Grace sat back on the sofa with Jess still in her arms, after a while Jess was laying with her head on Grace's lap.

Peter made some tea and returned to the lounge where Grace remained with Jess partly laying on her, she was still crying, Grace comforted her constantly.

Peter stooped down in front of Grace, and gently stroked Jess's hair, before speaking to Grace "I phoned work and told them neither of us would be in today, Spence will call if anything urgent crops up" Grace nodded her head appreciatively, after while Jess tired herself out and dozed off to sleep, her head still on Grace's lap.

TBC


	22. The Next Level

The next chapter for you, although I am now getting my new work beta'd, this has not been, as it is something I have already half posted and didn't want to ask someone to beta something half way through, so will finish this as is, and hope you forgive me my errors. I hope you enjoy it.

**Chapter 22 – The Next Level**

Over the next few weeks Grace and Peter continued to monitor Jess as though they were her parents, she had seen the Dr, who had confirmed her pregnancy and altered her medication to some that would not be harmful to her baby, she had arranged a counselling appointment for her, and a twelve week scan for the baby, they had discussed her options with regards to the baby, but Jess was unsure yet of what she was going to do. Grace had taken a few days off work to look after Jess, whilst Peter had returned to work the day after the self harm incident, they were both now back at work, and Jess seemed, not more stable, just a little calmer. She had not self harmed again since that day, and whilst they were sure she would do it again, they felt better equipped to deal with it the next time, having even purchased a fully equipped first aid kit for when the next time arose.

Jess registered her babies, with Grace and Peter at her side, she named them Rory Peter, and Rachel Grace, the date of their birth and death was easy for her to remember, it was a date that was etched on her memory for ever more. Peter arranged a funeral for them, the tiny remains were placed in one coffin, just as she had requested, and the funeral was attended by Jess with Peter and Grace at her side. Frankie, Mel and Spence also attended, purely for moral support, it amazed them to see Boyd in such a caring fatherly role, he carried the coffin for Jess, and stood with his arms around her at the grave side, they all admitted that fatherhood suited him, they also knew how much calmer he was since he had moved in with Grace, she was definitely a good influence on him.

It was a Saturday, and Grace and Peter lay in bed together, he was spooning against her back, his arms around her, Grace tapped him on the arm, "We should get up."

"It's Saturday Grace, we don't have to go to work, ten more minutes, please?" he loved the feeling of having her in his arms.

"Five more minutes and that's your lot." she said kissing his arm.

"You drive a hard bargain."

"I know, that's why you love me."

"That's one of the reasons I love you, there are many, many more reasons than that."

"Really, maybe you could tell me a few more of those reasons, give my ego a boost."

"Your ego doesn't need boosting."

They continued to chat in bed for a while before Grace insisted they get up, as always she headed downstairs in her bath robe, Jess was still fast asleep on the sofa, sucking her thumb as usual, she never did it when anyone was around, but she was always like it in the mornings. Ever since Jess's self harm incident Grace had dreaded going downstairs in the morning, worried of what she would find. Jess's stitches had now all been removed, and her scars, although very red and visible, weren't as bad as they would have been had she not had them stitched.

The sound of Grace making tea in the kitchen woke Jess from her slumber, and when Grace returned to the lounge she was wide awake, Grace walked over and leant on the back of the sofa, putting a hand over and ruffling her hair as she spoke to her, "Good morning."

"Morning." she replied stifling a yawn.

"Tea?"

"Mm, please." Grace returned to the kitchen and made tea for the three of them, "You never know Grace, one of these days I might actually get up early enough to make you a cup of tea" Jess said strolling into the kitchen in her blue and white stripy pyjamas, Grace turned around and put the tea on the kitchen table, looking at Jess as she did so.

"You're starting to show." she said nodding her head towards Jess's little round belly.

"Do you think so, I don't want to get fat."

"You're not fat you're pregnant."

"It's basically the same thing."

"What is?" Peter asked walking in behind Jess, and ruffling Jess's hair just as Grace had done, it was a sign of affection, but one that didn't push the boundaries too far.

"Jess thinks being fat and being pregnant are the same thing, she doesn't want to get fat."

"You're not fat, you're pregnant, and you're not even very pregnant yet." Peter replied.

"I had a severe feeling of deja-vu then. Are either of you busy today?"

They looked at each other, "Nope, not really, I thought we might go out to lunch, why have you arranged a party and want us out of the way." he said sarcastically

"No, I was hoping I could talk to you about something."

"What?" Grace asked nervously.

"Well, I have been offered a place in a therapeutic community."

"What as an in-patient?" Grace asked.

"Yeah."

"What's one of those?" Peter asked.

Grace answered for her, "It's a special therapy based community for people with complex mental health problems and personality disorders, it's aim is to help people whilst they are in a safe environment and off medication, they're very good, they help people to be able to live in society and cope with life without relying on self destructive and bad coping mechanisms"

"Yeah, it's one of those." Jess replied with a smile.

"What about the baby?"

"Well I wouldn't go in until after the baby is born."

"And what about the baby then?"

"Well as you know social services aren't going to let me keep the baby."

Grace butted in "We don't know that for sure."

"I do Grace, I also know that I can't give this baby what it needs, no more now than I could when I was twelve, no child wants to see it's mother self harming, having seizures and spiralling into bouts of depression and anxiety, I don't have what it takes to be a mother, but I don't have what it takes to have a termination either, I know I still have time, just about, but I don't want to."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I want you and Peter to be legal guardians of my baby, to raise it as your own."

Peter laughed out loud at the suggestion "Don't be absurd."

"What, why is it absurd?" Jess said staring from Grace to Peter and back again.

"Because we're too bloody old that's why." he replied.

"That is so ridiculous, you are everything I ever wanted my parents to be, age isn't a factor in this."

"Yes it is, how the hell are we going to cope with a new born baby?"

"The same way as you coped with a woman in her early twenties self harming and sobbing on your sofa."

"Jess this is completely different, besides witch, Social services will not allow us to adopt your baby at our age."

"I didn't say adopt, although that would be ideal, I'll make you the legal guardians, surely I have that right, if not I'll put you down as the babies father, and then you'll have legal rights."

Peter coughed on his cup of tea, nearly spitting it over the table, and Grace just laughed at him, "Jess this is not something we can decide on the spur of the moment, this needs careful consideration, for all of us."

"Grace what are you saying, you're not considering this, don't be ridiculous."

"I'm saying I think we all need to think about this carefully."

Peter got up from the table hurriedly "I am going for a shower."

Once he'd left Grace turned to Jess "You need to give us some time to think about this."

"So you will think about it? I just don't want it to go into the care system."

"There are a lot of people who would be happy to adopt a new born baby."

"But they're not you, I've only been here a few weeks, but it feels like home, I feel so at ease with you, I know my baby will be happy with you both."

"Like I said Jess it needs a lot of careful thought on all sides."

TBC


	23. Out To Lunch

Only one last chapter left after this one, and it's already written so will post up soon, thanks for reading, your comments are gratefully received.

**Chapter 23 – Out To Lunch**

Peter parked his car along side the embankment and got out, locking the car and walking around the passenger side, he stretched his hand out and took hold of Grace's hand, holding it in his own as they walked, they had gone out for lunch, they were heading towards a small riverside pub that they'd been to a few times, the weather was a little chilly, but you could sit inside and look out over the Thames.

As they sat at a table, Grace raised the subject that they had both been avoiding, "Peter we need to talk about Jess's suggestion."

"What's to talk about?"

"I think the least we can do is discuss it."

"Grace I'm 52, you're..." he paused for a moment before continuing without offending her, "a little older."

"I'm 55 Peter, I'm not offended that you know how old I am."

"Okay, you're 55 do you really want to start changing nappies and getting up at midnight to feed a screaming baby, and what about work?"

"I don't know."

"But you can't dismiss it?"

"I don't want to dismiss it, not without consideration."

"Well I am happy to dismiss it, I don't want to be changing a baby at my age."

"You're 52, for heavens sake, Charlie Chaplin was fathering children in his 70's."

"Yeah, but I doubt very much that he was changing his son's nappies and seeing to him in the middle of the night. Grace I don't want this."

"So what if, god forbid, by some miracle I got pregnant, it does happen to women of my age occasionally."

"That would be different."

"Why, because it would be yours?"

"Yes, and because we wouldn't have a choice. That's not possible is it?"

"What?"

"You getting pregnant isn't possible, it's just we haven't taken any precautions."

"No, and besides there's always a termination."

"You're a catholic Grace, I know you wouldn't consider that."

"I didn't think what I wanted counted for anything."

"Don't be ridiculous, all I am saying is that this is not a decision that we need to make. I think the world of Jess, I really do, but this is her baby not ours."

"But it could be. Can't you consider for one moment that I might want this, that maybe it might be a second chance that I thought had past me by."

"Grace..."

"What?"

"A little while ago you were telling me that you needed an extra hour in bed because we made love the previous night, and now you've got the energy to look after a baby."

Grace got up and left the pub without saying a word, she walked back to the car before realising that she didn't have the keys, she found a nearby bench and sat waiting for him, she considered getting a taxi, but decided to wait for him instead. He joined her about fifteen minutes later, and sat beside her on the bench, it was a chilly day and there weren't many people around.

He sighed before speaking, "I'm sorry Grace, I just..."

"Just what?"

"I just don't know that I could cope with a baby, I'm so settled with the way things are, I'm happy with my life for the first time in a long time, and now you want to change things again."

"Change isn't always bad Peter."

"That doesn't mean it's always good either."

"I want to do this, and I want to do it with you." He shook his head looking at the ground. "Are you saying no?"

"No."

"So are you saying yes?"

"No."

"So what are you saying?"

He looked at her, keeping eye contact, "Marry me?"

"What?"

"Marry me?"

"Where the hell did that come from?"

"If you want this then I want to get married first."

"Are you being serious?"

"Yes, if you get a baby, I get a wife" he said with laughter.

"Okay," she said quietly.

"Okay what?"

"Yes I will marry you."

"I must be crazy."

"Thanks."

"You know what I mean, do you want to go and shop for a ring?"

"Do you?"

"Yes"

He parked outside an expensive jewellers, and they went inside, Grace couldn't decide on a ring, so he eventually made the final decision, the final purchase was a very expensive platinum and diamond solitaire ring, on the way back to the car he noticed the shop opposite was a baby store, and he could see Grace looking towards it "Do you want to go and have a look" Grace shook her head, but he knew she did really, so he grabbed her hand and led her into the baby store, they left a short time later with a bag containing a teddy bear and some baby grows.

o0o

Back at home Jess was sat in the lounge watching TV when they returned from lunch, carrying the mothercare bag, "Hey we're back." Grace said walking into the lounge.

"Hi, did you have a nice lunch?"

"Yep, it was great." Grace replied with a huge smile plastered on her face.

"You look happy, almost too happy, to the point where it's a little scary." Jess said to her.

"I am happy."

"Any particular reason?"

"Well, two things really, firstly, we have just become engaged." She said holding up her hand and flaunting her engagement ring.

"No way, that is great, did he go down on one knee?"

"No, because he wouldn't have been able to get up again." She said with a smile, "We were sat on a bench"

Jess got up from the sofa and hugged Grace "Congratulations." She then turned to Peter and hugged him too.

"And the other bit of good news is that we have talked about your earlier suggestion, and if you are sure that it's what you want, then we will be the legal guardians of your baby, but we have to be positive that it's what you want Jess, I'm not going to take your baby away from you against your will."

"It is what I want, because if we don't do this then social services will take it away, at least this way I'll know where it is, and that it is loved and looked after."

"This will still be your home Jess, even if you go into the therapeutic community, your place with us will always be here if you want to come back."

"Thank you, both of you, this means so much to me."

TBC


	24. Nappily Ever After

**Hi All, this is the final chapter, I have written a follow up, but haven't finished it yet, or decided whether to post it yet, hope you have enjoyed it, and thanks for sticking with it.  
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**Chapter 24 – Nappily Ever After**

The next couple of months seemed to fly by at an alarming rate. Work was as busy as ever, and Grace and Boyd seemed to spend all their spare time either planning the wedding or decorating the nursery for the baby.

Jess was now sleeping in her bedroom, finding the sofa a little uncomfortable as she was a getting bigger. It took her a while to get used to it, the first few nights she started off in the bedroom and ended up back on the sofa by the morning. In the end, they solved the problem by making slow changes. Grace slept in with her for a week, then they slept with the doors open, much to Peter's annoyance as they had no privacy for a couple of weeks, then eventually she settled down and was able sleep in the room on her own.

Jess was now six-month pregnant, Grace had agreed to be her birthing partner, and was attending ante natal classes with her. The court case against Thomas Vincent was due at court. He had entered a guilty plea so Jess was not required to attend, she considered going, for a while, but in the end decided it wouldn't be good for the baby.

Vincent had received life in prison for the murders of the twins and a further ten years for the child abuse, with a recommendation that he served a minimum of twenty-four years in total, at his age it meant he would probably die in prison, something that was a cause for celebration, even if it was tinged with sadness.

Peter and Grace were due to be married in the registry office on the next Saturday. Boyd had asked Spence to be his best man, and Grace had asked Jess to be her bridesmaid. It was a really small affair, just the team from work and a few close relatives. Grace didn't want a fuss. She'd have been quite happy with no guests, but Boyd had convinced her otherwise. Jess had arranged to stay with Frankie for a couple of nights after the wedding. As they weren't having a honeymoon, she thought it would give them time to be alone, and Frankie had arranged for Mel to stay for a few nights as well, so that it would be more comfortable for Jess, knowing that she took time to settle in new places.

On the day, Boyd arrived at the registry office with Spence, as always he looked extremely handsome, Grace arrived a short time later, also looking amazing, his eyes lit up as he saw her for the first time in her wedding outfit, he winked at her and smiled, that big smile that reached his eyes. The ceremony didn't take long, and afterwards, they all went back to their house for a small reception.

In the kitchen, Jess smiled at Grace, "Grace give me your hand?" she took Grace's hand and placed it against her stomach, after a couple of seconds Grace felt a tiny little flutter in Jess's stomach"Ahh!" she gasped, "It's kicking."

"It started yesterday, and hasn't stopped since, I think it's a boy. He's a footballer."

"That'll please Peter."

"What about you, do you want a boy or a girl?"

"I don't mind. It's a cliché, but as long as it's healthy I'll be happy."

It was a couple of hours later when they found themselves alone at last, everyone else had left. Peter put a song on the stereo, and extended his hand to Grace, "May I have this dance Mrs. Boyd?" she smiled at him and stood up. He slipped his hands around her waist, and she moved hers to his neck. He kissed her gently on the lips, and as they started to dance the Eric Clapton song, Wonderful tonight began to play, "You looked beautiful today, did I tell you that?"

"Not until now."

"Well you do, and I just wanted to make sure I said so."

"Thank you, you don't look so bad yourself." She replied kissing him.

They danced for a while before heading off to bed. They made love slowly and passionately, and then fell asleep with their arms wrapped around each other.

o0o

It was three months later when Grace heard her name being called from outside her bedroom door at 2am, she got up to find Jess outside the door, "Grace, I think I'm in labour."

"Okay, tell me what's happened so far?"

"I've been having contractions for a couple of hours, Grace. I'm scared."

"What are you scared of?"

"I'm scared it's gonna hurt," she said through hormonal sobs.

"They have all the painkillers you need at the hospital okay, and you're prepared for it. We've been to all the classes, so everything is going to be fine."

Grace opened her bedroom door and told Peter to get up, "Jess is in labour" she called to him. He got up and helped Jess down the stairs. Her bag was packed and ready for the hospital, and it took just a short time to get to the hospital.

In the delivery suite Jess was on gas and air, Grace was with her holding her hand, breathing with her and reminding her of all the things she needed to do, whilst Peter once again took a seat in the waiting room.

It was around three hours later when Jess gave birth, as they went to hand the baby to her, she stopped them, "Could you hand it to Grace please, the babies being adopted, I don't want to hold it."

The nurse complied with Jess's wishes, and after wrapping the baby in a blanket she handed it to Grace, "It's a little girl." The nurse said to Grace. After holding her daughter for a short time, the baby was taken back from Grace to be more thoroughly checked over.

Jess was taken to a side room, rather than being on the main labour ward. This was to protect her feelings, so she wasn't surrounded by crying babies, but she seemed okay. She was more relieved it was over, glad she could again take a little more control over her life, and she knew her baby would be well cared for. She also knew she would be able to visit her whenever she wanted.

Grace returned to Boyd, who was still in the waiting room, "It's a little girl." She said with tears streaming down her face, Peter engulfed her in his arms.

"Is everything okay? Is Jess okay?" He asked the two questions in quick succession.

"Yeah they're both fine. Jess is down here." She took him by the hand to where Jessica was. Grace opened the door to find the young woman crying her eyes out. Grace immediately threw her arms around her. "Everything's going to be okay Jess. I promise. It's all over now, whatever you want. I'll make it happen." Grace knew that personally, it would break her heart if Jess wanted to keep the child, but she also knew that she loved Jess, and if it was what Jess wanted, she would make it happen for her, somehow, despite social services.

Jess pulled away and dried her eyes. I'm sorry Grace. I'm just glad it's all over.

"I know how emotional this must be for you, and if you've changed your mind, if you want to keep her, I will understand, and I will help you. However I can"

Jess smiled at Grace, "No. It isn't that, I haven't changed my mind."

"So why the tears?"

"It just reminded me of the past, that and the fact that I'm glad it's over. I'll always love her Grace, but I don't want her. I know that sounds terrible, because it was just what my Mum did to me, but it's the truth."

"It isn't what your Mum did to you, okay. You are doing what is best for her. You're not abandoning her. You have secured a loving and happy environment for her, and you will be in contact with her constantly."

"Thank you."

"Have you thought of a name for her?" Grace asked her.

"No, I think you two should name her. She'syour daughter, not mine. I do have one request though."

"What?"

"I know she's a girl, but could you give her James as a middle name, after my twin brother."

"Of course."

"So have you thought of a name for her?"

"We have talked about it, and we kind of wanted to know what you thought."

"But you must have a suggestion."

Peter intervened "We thought Zoe was nice."

"Zoe James Boyd, it has a nice ring to it."

"That settles it then." He replied.

Peter had arranged for a solicitor to make everything legal. Ensuring that they were all protected, Jess included, and that they would have no problems from social services. Jess had changed her last name by deed poll to Boyd, so that she could register the baby in the name Boyd. The space for the father's name was left blank. Jess had no idea who he was, and he probably had no idea of his liaison with Jess. Peter had refused Jess's suggestion that he put his name down as the babies father, he said it would have been wrong, and Grace agreed with him. With everything done legally they would never have to worry about someone taking her away from any of them. Jess had decided herself, that she would like to be regarded as the babies big sister, until the child was old enough to know the truth, when they would tell her. Grace and Peter Boyd were her legal guardians until she reached the age of eighteen. Jess stayed in the hospital for just twenty-four hours, and when she was discharged, she returned home, after a couple of calls she had made arrangements for her admission to the therapeutic community that she had been offered a place at. She could go immediately. She didn't need to wait to be admitted at a certain time.

The baby was required to stay in a couple more days, as she wasn't being breast fed, they wanted to make sure she was getting everything she needed nutritionally for the first couple of days.

Grace was almost living at the hospital and was already changing and feeding the baby, returning home for dinner with Jess and Peter in the evenings.

Peter had cooked for them, and they sat down to eat when Jess decided to tell them about leaving, "I have arranged to go into the therapeutic community straight away.

"What? When? Grace asked her.

"I'm going tomorrow."

"But you need to get on your feet again, after the birth."

"I think it would be best if I'm not here when you bring her home Grace, and they have medical staff there. I be well looked after."

"But it's so soon, I didn't realise you were going to leave so quickly."

"I think it's for the best, for all of us, a clean break."

"Don't say it like that, this will still be your home."

"Yeah I know, and I will be back, but for now I need to get my head sorted, and you need to get used to being parents."

"What time tomorrow?" Peter asked.

"Any time after 1pm.""

"Well we'll take you and make sure everything is okay."

"You don't need to do that."

"Yes we do. We can't just let you walk out of our lives after six months of living with us."

"I'm not walking out of your lives. I'm going to get better. I'll always be in your lives."

Peter put his hand on Jess's neck and squeezed it affectionately. "We love you Jess, you know that don't you.

"Yeah I do, and I love you both too. The last six months have been one massive roller coaster for me. The good times have been fantastic. You made me feel like I had a family after twenty-three years of being alone, and you handled the bad times in a way that made me feel safe. This will always be my home, and I'll miss you more than you can ever imagine, but for a while, I just need to get better, and to get better, I need to go away"

She looked at Boyd and noticed that he had tears in his eyes, "Don't cry Boyd, you girl." Her words made him laugh and forget that he felt sad.

The following day the two of them drove Jess to the place that would be her home for a while, it was a secure and safe environment, and although she was not sectioned and could leave if she wanted to, she couldn't walk out without telling anyone, she would have to ask to be let out, so that they could do their best to keep her safe. They had a look at her room, and around the facilities, before saying their goodbyes, they didn't cry, they didn't want to cause her any unnecessary stress, so they made sure she had everything she needed and then kissed her goodbye, making sure she would phone them later, which she promised to do.

Once back home Grace sobbed her heart out in Peter's arms.

The End - Or is it?


End file.
